| October 25th, 2004 12:17 PM |
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| telecaster |
ROCKS OFF: THE NOVEL
(Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture)
“Rocks Off” tells the twisted tale of a group of desperate individuals all searching for the same answer but yet ending up farther away from where they started. A taught, riveting novel, this story is one which demands to be told. Spellbinding from the first page, you will be shocked and amazed at what unfolds
“Rocks Off” begins with Voodoo. Operating from his lair in the Mexican mountains, he controls an international group which casts its web from Russia, Chicago, Miami, Wall St, Buffalo, Australia, the UK, and all points in between. Voodoo in the man that holds it all together but yet could blow it all apart at any time. Sending coded messages across the Internet he wields his power with a cool determination.
The story opens with Voodoo and his relationship with Irina, the seductive and exotic Russian operating out of the former Soviet Union. Is she former KGB? How did a Mexican power broker and a Russian beauty ever start what has become an international story filled with intrigue, comedy, Viagra, deceit, fulfillment, all fueled by a vast ocean of liquor
There is telecaster. A dashingly handsome bon vivant who travels the world breaking female hearts and international crime syndicates. With rugged good looks this man of the world will do what it takes to get the job done.
Blonds, brunettes or redheads. Bourbon, scotch or gin, telecaster will use any combination of those like a Rubik’s cube to get what he is after. With a keen mind, a quick whit, and an icy determination, he is the man who could put the whole thing together. No woman could ever tame him, many have tried. Women want to be with him, men want to be like him.
Meet parmeda. Using the cover of a suburban mother, this hot momma has toppled more governments than she has propped up. This apple-martini loving power broker controls a vast worldwide network which she uses at her will. Buying and selling corporations, the world is her private Monopoly board. A typical suburban mom? Hardly
A true power player on the world stage. As “Rocks Off” unfolds we will learn the reason why she stood up telecaster. There meeting could have exposed the whole thing, IF it was to be.
Then there is nanky. Nobody can be sure which team he is really on. Operating out of Washington DC, this politically connected Jameson-loving man of adventure will do ANYTHING to get the answer he craves. He has been known to do extensive reconnaissance work at various D.C. bars for hours at a time. This wool-loving Newcastle swilling swinger is willing to go deep, deep inside Scottish intelligence to find the answer. What was that meeting about in the mensroom (bog) with the Scottish gentleman? It will all be answered in due time. Did nanky find the microfilm where he thought it would be?
At this point we are introduced to jb. This self-described metrosexual operates out of south Florida. He has the area covered. He is THE connection to the Latin world and southern hemisphere. Using the cover of a lawyer who settles nuisance type medical liability claims, he operates the largest importing/exporting firm outside of Hong Kong. This hypochondriac swinging dick could hold all the answers. Is his secretary really just the hottie she pretends to be or is she in fact an agent of the PLO? Will hypochondria get him before the PLO does? Is jb really who he seems or is he available to the highest bidder? It is all to be answered in this new page-turner.
Then there is Maxlugar. Or Baron von Maxlugar as he is known to the CIA. The finance man with the Wall Street connection. This dog-loving Republican could pull the plug on all of it or let it go on. Only he has the power.
Recently thought kidnapped and prone to long absences, he goes deep undercover and pops up at the most appropriate junctions. This Wall Street wizard scored a huge hit this year. Oil contracts? Gold? Dow Jones?
No way. Last spring our man cunningly bought up 80% of the worlds flu-vaccine at pennies on the dollar.
Bush & Kerry have him on speed-dial
Joey. Little joey. Afflicted with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and a fear of any large body of water, he has lived his life in the bountiful cornfields of the Midwest. Located 1000 miles from anything larger than a puddle, this chain restaurant loving rogue somehow has managed to create enough chaos around the world from his computer to have fifteen outstanding warrants from INTERPOL. Patiently waiting for The WHO to come to his small hometown, this bourbon swilling friend of Israel sends cryptic messages to his operatives around the world via some of the finer porn sites on the Internet.
A truly scary and dangerous person.
Meet Gazza. An MI6 veteran of British Intelligence this Springsteen loving Brit has deep and long involvement with Voodoo. What do they know? When did they know it?
Only time will tell. Is Gazza a true team player of more like a free agent?
The man with the plan is Sir Stonesalot. This pistol packing ex-military man is a pie -loving one man demolition crew. Do not mess with the SS. What info was on all those CD’s he burned? Stones music? Not likely. Codes to reprogram the entire ICMB inventory of the free world? Likely. What are his demands?
Ah yes. Gypsy. This medically trained seductress will use any and every trick in her bag to get what she wants, from whom she wants, when she wants. Using her over- abundance of assets, this temptress has a long track record of bringing enemy agents
to their knees. This super-vixen is a walking danger zone. Many men have tried to conquer her, all have failed. She gives it up like a rusty lug nut on a ’64 Ford. Gypsy is no wallflower. Sexy, funny, and extremely intelligent, she knows what a man wants and what he needs. From bull riding to hot-oil wrestling she is a one women tornado. Wait until her and telecaster finally meet!
This little kitten with a whip holds all the answers regardless of the question.
Then we have Lady Jane. What did she plant in jb’s Mercedes? The micro-film?
Tiny tracking device? Does she work for Palestinian Secret Service of jb’s wife?
This board hopping, vodka loving bombshell from Buffalo is the thread that holds it all together. Will she reveal what she knows? She is the true wild card in this suspense filled drama
Harold Robbins says: “If I was alive, I would read this novel”
Stephen King raves: “These are some fucked up people”
Stevie Wonder asks “Is the book out on tape yet?”
“A page turning drama filled with deceit, drama, hilarity, erectile dysfunction, with long passages that could have been left out” – Jackie Collins
Hugh Hefner proclaims: “Get this gypsy chick under contract, ASAP!”
Pick up a couple today available at fine bookstores everywhere.
Coming soon: "Rocks Off Reduex-The Australian Connection"
[Edited by telecaster]
[Edited by telecaster] |
| October 25th, 2004 12:31 PM |
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| LadyJane |
Bravo, tele!! I am literally wiping the mascara off of my face.
Outstanding posting!!!
I am so honored to be a featured player in this literary masterpiece. Surely a Pulitzer is in your future!!!
ROTFLMAO....
LJ. |
| October 25th, 2004 12:44 PM |
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| charlotte |
Vol 2 will be needed soon...The Tasmanian chief of intelligence has informed the CIA that Voodoo has boarded a freighter in the Panama Canal heading to Cape Town...Croatian Intell also has stated that Gypsy could be on board...more info as it comes in... |
| October 25th, 2004 12:45 PM |
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| L&A |
Thanks for the great read, Tele, it's just fantastic  |
| October 25th, 2004 12:57 PM |
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| M.O.W.A.T. |
You forgot:
iluvmickjagger07 & mickjaggersgrl: The sworn enemies of baby oil-packing slots everywhere. Claim not to be the same person while in reality they are siamese twins.LOL
[Edited by M.O.W.A.T.] |
| October 25th, 2004 12:57 PM |
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| charlotte |
correction:From Madagascar Intel-freighter leaving the Panama Canal is heading to Casablanca with highly toxic waste believing it came from Joey...more later... |
| October 25th, 2004 01:12 PM |
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| charlotte |
URGENT:
From Romanian Police-Gypsy is on board, agents are going through her luggage while she is upstairs at a bar trying to seduce a handsome redhead from the States... |
| October 25th, 2004 02:25 PM |
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| Joey |
" Afflicted with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and a fear of any large body of water, he has lived his live in the bountiful cornfields of the Midwest. Located 1000 miles from anything larger than a puddle, this chain restaurant loving rogue somehow has managed to create enough chaos around the world from his computer to have fifteen outstanding warrants from INTERPOL. Patiently waiting for The WHO to come to his small hometown, this bourbon swilling friend of Israel sends cryptic messages to his operatives around the world via some of the finer porn sites on the Internet.
A truly scary and dangerous person. "
Everyone ....................
Do you see the above post ?!?!
DO YOU SEE IT ?!?!?!
Now THAT'S Posting my friends !
Tele ..................................
You make Joey smile .
I would like to clutch you to my bosom and softly and gently stroke your young , sweaty , moist , glistening , GLISTENING Telecaster forehead whilst I weep and shit liquid .
Outstanding Posting ! Well Done ! Top Notch !!! Top Notch !
Please feel free to take the rest of the day off ...
" Stones Rule You Bastards ! "
Shecky !
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| October 25th, 2004 02:29 PM |
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| charlotte |
From Dan Rather-CBS News-
Voodoo has sent Irina 16 messages in the last 2 hours on board of a ocean liner heading to Casablanca. Agents from Uzbekistan report hearing in the background the music Bruce Springsteen playing on the ship.
LJ has crossed the border...
Gypsy is still trying...
more to come... |
| October 25th, 2004 02:31 PM |
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| charlotte |
oh, forgot...Greenpeace is sending out ships to meet the freighter due to the high readings of toxic waste on the ship believed to come from Joey... |
| October 25th, 2004 04:02 PM |
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| jb |
Hi Tele...I think I have a condition known as benign fasciculations..... |
| October 25th, 2004 04:19 PM |
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| 56DeSoto |
Great read!
Can I play a small but pivotal role in the smuggling of contraband spandex and bootleg '81 tour shirts across the border? |
| October 25th, 2004 04:33 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
jb wrote:
Hi Tele...I think I have a condition known as benign fasciculations.....
 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| October 25th, 2004 05:24 PM |
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| gypsy |
tele, thank you! I needed that today--you managed to make me laugh and put a huge smile on my face.
If you come over tonight, we can work on some of those spelling and grammatical errors. Also, no novel is complete without a review from Judith Krantz. |
| October 25th, 2004 05:30 PM |
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| mickjaggersgrl |
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| October 25th, 2004 05:32 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
gypsy wrote:
If you come over tonight, we can work on some of those spelling and grammatical errors. Also, no novel is complete without a review from Judith Krantz.
How are you with benign fasciculations ?!?!
Developing ................
Fasciculating ..............
Little Frisky !
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| October 25th, 2004 06:11 PM |
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| gypsy |
It is my expert opinion that josh does indeed have this disease, joey. |
| October 25th, 2004 06:13 PM |
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| Gazza |
Very funny and in some cases maybe not that far from reality!
bring on Volume 2 |
| October 25th, 2004 06:14 PM |
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| Monkey Woman |
OK, tele, you had me laughing so loud, my cat got into her head that I was ill! She jumped on the keyboard to try and comfort me... Let me tell you, typing with a little beastie chasing your fingers and sitting on half the keys at once is not for the faint of heart!!! |
| October 25th, 2004 07:33 PM |
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| Bloozehound |
funny stuff
if I get a cameo in RO: Vol. 2 remember my contract states I shall appear with my Mini Me |
| October 25th, 2004 07:46 PM |
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| kath |
i can hardly wait to see how it all ends......if it's all been a dream...
[Edited by kath] |
| October 25th, 2004 07:55 PM |
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| telecaster |
quote:
gypsy wrote:
If you come over tonight, we can work on some of those spelling and grammatical errors.
Hey pumpkin, feel free to edit and correct as you feel is necessary.
The PIN for my Rocks Off acct is the same one I gave you for the credit cards, bank accounts, the keyless entry on the Ferrari's and vaults
Have at it
[Edited by telecaster] |
| October 25th, 2004 10:02 PM |
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| Soldatti |
Great story... |
| October 25th, 2004 11:24 PM |
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| corgi37 |
Sounds like a Pulitzer winner to me! |
| October 25th, 2004 11:36 PM |
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| not bound to please |
quote:
corgi37 wrote:
Sounds like a Pulitzer winner to me!
May I help with further tuition?
please post more homoerotic drunk stuff...
meow...
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| October 26th, 2004 12:23 AM |
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| gypsy |
I'm quite positive that Lamby kind of appears in the second volume of the RO novel via joey's colonoscopy. It's a page-turner--I've read the rough draft.
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| October 26th, 2004 04:00 AM |
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| parmeda |
tele! ...you CRAZY bastard
omg...I haven't laughed this hard in such a long time. And let's admit it, there are some very witty smart asses amongst us...but I can't believe what I just read! LadyJ beat me to the mascara down pour, lol. My sides are in pain! My left thigh is going to be bruised tomorrow from all of the slappin' it's just undergone!
Are we in a dire need of a Stones show, or WHAT?
"Where's my fucking martini, dammit?"
...Heaven, help us! One by one, we're all starting to fall apart at the seams...rotflmao |
| October 26th, 2004 07:39 AM |
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| charlotte |
Bulletin:FRom the remote island of St. Helena
Intel agents report that a Dutch bombshell named Angie has boarded a KLM 747 in Amsterdam going to Sydney(WTF??)
The ocean freighter has slowed down in the Atlantic-Voodoo has been locked up in his cabin sending out coded messages to Russian beauty queens
Agents from East Timor are trying to locate the origins of the Bruce Springsteen music being played on the ship...
Scotland Yard reports that LJ has been seen in a Vodka warehouse in Montreal...
CIA has lost Gypsy and the handsome redhead on board the ship...
more to come... |
| October 26th, 2004 07:55 AM |
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| Irina |
Thank You, Telecaster! Fantastic! Great reading
Are You new 007?
Until now my favorite one was Sean Connery,
but now it's You and only You!
From Russia with love Irina
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| October 26th, 2004 09:04 AM |
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| VoodooChileInWOnderl |
LOL Tele a funny nightmare, I was howlin' out loud when I saw it
Is it possible to assign me a role in an erotic scene with Irina? 
Apparently this answers Gyspy's question about how Irina and I have corresponded for years but no... it remains top secret babies |
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