| February 9th, 2006 10:49 AM |
|
|
| Candace Youngblood |
http://www.thebestpageintheuni...worst
The eleven worst songs of 2004.
Narrowing down the worst songs of 2004 to a mere eleven was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. What, with Jessica Simpson's "ReJoyce" Christmas-exploitation album, Lindsay Lohan's aural holocaust, "Speak," and Celine Dion's pretentious bullshit "Miracle," and by the way, I didn't think it was possible for me to hate Celine Dion anymore than I already did until I saw the cover of her newest album and accompanying calendar for the modern "grrrl power" super-bitch who finds solace in Dion's brash self-righteous smuggery. Alas, I used some restraint and narrowed the list down to eleven. Here they are:
1. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Vertigo
The only thing worse than U2 is a snobby U2 fan. They think they're so hip now that U2 has their own iPod commercial. Wow, you're on an iPod commercial?
As for the "Vertigo" song itself, it's a mix of twangy guitars, unnecessary spanish, and Bono's stupid glasses. By the way, just because a singer wears stupid goggles doesn't mean that they're suddenly cool or hip. Oooh look! Bono the rock star is wearing redneck Nascar goggles, let's all fellate him for being so rebellious; take that Hollywood! They're still the same goggles that dumbass Nascar fans wear to every boring Nascar "event." Man I hate Nascar. And while I'm at it, here's a quick open letter to the NASCAR community: quit writing poems about Dale Earnhardt. Nobody cares. And no, it wasn't NASCAR's fault for not making the tracks wide enough. Nobody would watch NASCAR if it weren't for the wrecks because it's BORING. You love the wrecks because it gives you people something to talk about in your boring lives; don't get all teary eyed when one of your redneck heroes bites it, you hypocritical turds. The wall won, get over it.
Anyway, back to Vertigo: this song sucks so much because of the unique tag-team trio of shitty music, the forced chic of iPod ads, and its stupid fan base. I looked around on some U2 message boards to see what the fans were saying about this song and its turgid lyrics, here's what fan member "Bob" has to say:
Vertigo actually has some seriously heavy lyric - but I bet most of mainstream radio listeners will never know what they mean - I love that! It makes me feel priviledged [sic] to know what the man has to say - there are so many invaluable messages in their albums, certainly this one will be another thought provoking and life influencing scripture.
Here's a sample of the "seriously heavy lyrics" in Vertigo:
WoooAoo! WoooAoo! WoooAoo! WoooAoo!
And who could forget this poignant verse:
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah, real heavy lyrics, dipshit. When Bono's not mumbling like an idiot, he's trying to be emotional by flailing his arms in the air like he's so overcome that he can't help but bellow out a limp-dick line like "I can feeeeEEEEEEeeeeeel." Pussy.
2. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Miracle &&&&
Coming in at #2 is "Miracle &&&&" from the same album. When this album first came out, people wouldn't shut up about the hype that "U2 has made a triumphant return to its rock and roll roots." Triumphant? What exactly has U2 "triumphed" over? The only thing triumphant about U2 is their uncanny ability to produce the same cookie cutter sound that's slowly crippling originality and innovation on airwaves around the world. Congratulations you hacks, you've made FM radio unlistenable.
Bono is 44. He's too old to "rock." I know people have been saying the same thing about Rolling Stones for years now, and every time the Rolling Stones go on tour, they prove their critics right. Give it a rest. I don't even blame U2 for this, it's you stupid fans. Maybe they'll stop annoying us with obnoxious commercials if you morons would stop lapping this shit up like anti-freeze at a petting zoo.
Yet another fan on a message board had this to say about "Miracle &&&&:"
I think that Bono turns pop culture upside down with the line "I've had enough of romantic love."
Wow, how profound. Look out pop-culture! Bono has had enough of "romantic love." Here comes Bono and his idiotic fans to make ambiguous jabs at you.
3. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
zzZZZZZzz.... YAWN. So let me get this straight: U2's "triumphant return to its rock and roll roots" includes a teary song about his dad's struggle with cancer? Rock on you frauds.
4. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Love And Peace Or Else
If there was a list of things a pacifist should never say, "or else" would probably top it. Everything about this song is stupid. Love and peace or else? Or else what, you pussies? What are you going to do about it? Sing another crybaby song for your crybaby fans? Tough shit bitches, war kicks ass.
Can't you hippies just piss off and surrender somewhere quietly for once without singing a song about it?
5. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - City of Blinding Lights
New age mystic bullshit.
6. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - All Because Of You
This is the one song on the album that U2's arrogant fans can't come to a consensus about. Some believe it's a song about life, some death, and others God. One thing I think everyone can agree on is: nobody cares.
7. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - A Man And A Woman
Great song, if you ignore the ho-hum music and the fact that "romance" doesn't rhyme with "distance." This song exemplifies the reason I hate songs with lyrics. Listen you dolts: if a song has a "message," then it probably doesn't matter because more often than not, song writers compromise their message for the sake of making a song that sounds good, or they compromise the music for the sake of pushing their shallow agenda. Maybe U2 wouldn't suck so hard if they stopped preaching and started rocking instead. Of course, that's difficult to do with Pantera holding a near monopoly on all things that rock.
8. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Crumbs From Your Table
This song is about how America and its wealthiest people don't do enough to help solve world hunger. The title suggests that crumbs from our table could help starving people in Africa. Bono indicts America for being hypocritical with these lines:
Would you deny for others
What you demand for yourself?
Bono could not be reached for comment as he was stepping off his private jet and into his limousine.
9. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - One Step Closer
This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma.
10. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Original Of The Species
This song was supposedly written about the daughter of guitarist "The Edge." Yeah, that's his nickname: The Edge. I used to think names like "The Edge" or "Spike" were cool, but then I turned 12.
The only way I could ever respect him is if he shouted some stupid catch phrase before every concert like "WATCH OUT! THE EDGE WILL CUT YOU!" That might almost be stupid enough to be cool again with the dumbass hipster crowd, until the next stupid trend shows up at Hot Topic for you to oversaturate and ruin.
11. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Yahweh
This quote epitomizes U2's pious, holier-than-thou attitude:
"I don't know why, but we always had this belief that there was something sacred about our music, that it was almost holy."
-Bono, pompous asshole and lead singer of U2
Cocky, high-handed, imperial assholes.
That wraps up the list of the top 11 worst songs of 2004. I wanted to list a few honorable mentions, such as "Maroon 5" and their crappy synthesized vocals, but I don't have the time or the patience to listen to any more of this garbage. Piss off.
|
| February 9th, 2006 10:56 AM |
|
|
| FPM C10 |
You shall be greeted! |
| February 9th, 2006 11:10 AM |
|
|
| gimmekeef |
Did jb pay this gal to make this post?......lol |
| February 9th, 2006 11:14 AM |
|
|
| Candace Youngblood |
haha, no.
I just figured that with all the U2 bashing it would be much appreciated, and the fact that he also HAD to squeeze in a jab at the Sones, too, it would make an interesting conversation.
|
| February 9th, 2006 11:18 AM |
|
|
| voodoopug |
fantastic posting!!!!!! |
| February 9th, 2006 11:24 AM |
|
|
| Break The Spell |
Funny stuff, before I opened this thread I was hoping there were lots of U2 songs on the list. It was even better U2 made up the ENTIRE list... |
| February 9th, 2006 11:38 AM |
|
|
| FPM C10 |
quote:
voodoopug wrote:
fantastic posting!!!!!!
Back off, Pug - I saw her first!!!! |
| February 9th, 2006 12:05 PM |
|
|
| voodoopug |
quote:
FPM C10 wrote:
Back off, Pug - I saw her first!!!!
all yours buddy! |
| February 9th, 2006 01:11 PM |
|
|
| FPM C10 |
She also hates Macca!!!! |
| February 9th, 2006 01:21 PM |
|
|
| voodoopug |
quote:
FPM C10 wrote:
She also hates Macca!!!!
she is safe from inclusion on the "enemies list" Joey shall be on the "enemas list" |
| February 9th, 2006 05:03 PM |
|
|
| Sir Stonesalot |
How did "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" qualify for a 2006 Grammy if it was released in 2004?
That makes no fookin sense. |
| February 9th, 2006 05:10 PM |
|
|
| glencar |
The release dates are Sept.1, 2004 to Aug. 30, 2005 or something like that. But that Geenday album was surely released before taht time period & yet that "Boulevard" song won a Grammy for some reason. |
| February 9th, 2006 05:16 PM |
|
|
| Saint Sway |
are you shitting me???
oh great! Now I'm pissed that Bridges To Babylon didnt win for Best Album of 2005
those BASTARDS! |
| February 9th, 2006 06:07 PM |
|
|
| keefjunkie |
that wasnt a original post..
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=11worst |
| February 9th, 2006 06:10 PM |
|
|
| glencar |
Nice find! |
| February 9th, 2006 06:13 PM |
|
|
| Saint Sway |
that guys site is the funniest thing on the net
the how Jenny Smart could of escaped her captors is hilarious. Heres an idea "walk away"
good shit. He hasnt had a new one in awhile but his last entre about why Idaho blows is priceless. |
| February 9th, 2006 11:12 PM |
|
|
| Sir Stonesalot |
>that wasnt a original post..
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse...c.cgi?u=11worst<
Gee, that must be why Candace Youngblood posted that link at the very top of her post.....
|
| February 10th, 2006 02:45 AM |
|
|
| Jumacfly |
that's A posting!  |
| February 10th, 2006 09:11 AM |
|
|
| Candace Youngblood |
quote:
Sir Stonesalot wrote:
>that wasnt a original post..
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse...c.cgi?u=11worst<
Gee, that must be why Candace Youngblood posted that link at the very top of her post.....
Thank you! Christ, people are morons! |
| February 10th, 2006 09:19 AM |
|
|
| Break The Spell |
I always liked Maddox's April Fool's posts, year after year people are duped into thinking he's really changing the layout of his page and his viewpoints. Priceless!! |
| February 10th, 2006 09:50 AM |
|
|
| egon |
***
Bono is 44. He's too old to "rock." I know people have been saying the same thing about Rolling Stones for years now, and every time the Rolling Stones go on tour, they prove their critics right. Give it a rest. I don't even blame U2 for this, it's you stupid fans.
****
 |
| February 10th, 2006 03:39 PM |
|
|
| keefjunkie |
quote:
Candace Youngblood wrote:
Thank you! Christ, people are morons!
AHH sorry I completely missed that.. |
| February 10th, 2006 03:46 PM |
|
|
| voodoopug |
quote:
Candace Youngblood wrote:
Thank you! Christ, people are morons!
Sadly, one of the downfalls of being on a stones message board besides this apparently being the favorite place of hardcore U2/Macca fans is that we have to deal with a group of folks collectively referred to as "The Dumb"
The Enemies list will lay alot of this out on the table if I can ever get around to finishing it! |
| February 10th, 2006 03:53 PM |
|
|
| Candace Youngblood |
quote:
voodoopug wrote:
Sadly, one of the downfalls of being on a stones message board besides this apparently being the favorite place of hardcore U2/Macca fans is that we have to deal with a group of folks collectively referred to as "The Dumb"
The Enemies list will lay alot of this out on the table if I can ever get around to finishing it!
Puggy, if I may call you that,
It is like that all over the internet...not just here. I post on another board that is much bigger than this one and it is chock-full 'o morons as well.
But this board does seem to have a bigger share of hate and bitterness than other boards. Is that because it is mostly old people?
;-) |
| February 10th, 2006 03:56 PM |
|
|
| Joey |
" But this board does seem to have a bigger share of hate and bitterness than other boards. Is that because it is mostly old people?"
Frig Yeah .......
|
|
|
V
...........................................
[ Edited John Entwistle ]
[Edited by Joey] |
| February 10th, 2006 03:59 PM |
|
|
| Break The Spell |
quote:
Candace Youngblood wrote:
Puggy, if I may call you that,
It is like that all over the internet...not just here. I post on another board that is much bigger than this one and it is chock-full 'o morons as well.
But this board does seem to have a bigger share of hate and bitterness than other boards. Is that because it is mostly old people?
;-)
I'm turning 28 tomorrow, does that qualify as old?? |
| February 10th, 2006 04:00 PM |
|
|
| Candace Youngblood |
You crack me up Joey. |
| February 10th, 2006 04:01 PM |
|
|
| Candace Youngblood |
quote:
Break The Spell wrote:
I'm turning 28 tomorrow, does that qualify as old??
Nope, that makes you 3 months older than me. |
| February 10th, 2006 04:02 PM |
|
|
| Joey |
" You crack me up Joey."
|
| February 10th, 2006 04:04 PM |
|
|
| Break The Spell |
quote:
Candace Youngblood wrote:
Nope, that makes you 3 months older than me.
Awesome...we made our debut right around when Some Girls did... |
