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| Maxlugar |
I need your help.
The facts:
a) I'm getting fat.
b) I drink too much.
c) I eat too much.
d) I don't get enough excercise
My goal is to get back to my days of posing in front of my
great wall of Stonesia with my 17 year old body.
The solutions:
a) Lose weight
b) Cut down on drinking
c) Stop eating entirely
d) Excercise
This last point, d, is where your help comes in. I used to be
real into running. But running is boring. Unless, that is,
you have some kick as music to run to. Last night I took a
screw driver and removed the ash tray and beer cup holder off
my treadmill and I'm getting ready to use it in earnest. I need to
have a kick ass Rolling Stones CD but I have no burner.
Someone make Maxy a CD of the best Stones to work out to!
I'll leave it up to you, dear Stonesian kin.
I will even send you a picture of myself on my honeymoon to put on the
cover. This particular picture was taken moments before the local
villagers tried to throw me back in the water when a young boy
reported a beached whale drinking a margarita in a lounge chair on the
beach infront of our hotel.
I need "Maxlugar, sweatin' to the Stonesy's"
I am a desperate man.
Thanks for all your kindness.
Maxy! |
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| Keith1 |
quote:
Maxlugar wrote:
I need your help.
The facts:
a) I'm getting fat.
b) I drink too much.
c) I eat too much.
d) I don't get enough excercise
My goal is to get back to my days of posing in front of my
great wall of Stonesia with my 17 year old body.
The solutions:
a) Lose weight
b) Cut down on drinking
c) Stop eating entirely
d) Excercise
This last point, d, is where your help comes in. I used to be
real into running. But running is boring. Unless, that is,
you have some kick as music to run to. Last night I took a
screw driver and removed the ash tray and beer cup holder off
my treadmill and I'm getting ready to use it in earnest. I need to
have a kick ass Rolling Stones CD but I have no burner.
Someone make Maxy a CD of the best Stones to work out to!
I'll leave it up to you, dear Stonesian kin.
I will even send you a picture of myself on my honeymoon to put on the
cover. This particular picture was taken moments before the local
villagers tried to throw me back in the water when a young boy
reported a beached whale drinking a margarita in a lounge chair on the
beach infront of our hotel.
I need "Maxlugar, sweatin' to the Stonesy's"
I am a desperate man.
Thanks for all your kindness.
Maxy!
I will be honored to make a CD for you. I will also do the Artwork for you. Any help for a man of our physical shape is well worth the work! E-mail me and well get Rolling! [email protected]
Sam |
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| nankerphelge |
I wholeheartedly encourage you to take up a martial art. While I recommend Tae Kwon Do or Tang Soo Do, any high energy style will do the following:
1) Burn fat -- lots of it, real quick
2) Increase metabolism -- you will be able to eat and drink as much as you want and never gain an ounce (of fat -- chiba maybe, fat no) -- you also increase lung capacity which helps with those Industrial sized Keith Richards Bong Hits
3) Improve mental focus -- like "the force" you will be able to change Stones CDs from the lotus couch by just thinking about it (while at the same time satisfying Mrs. Maxlugar who is upstairs and cannot explain that flushed tingly feeling)
4) Give you the ability to drop people where they stand should you need to. These days, you never know when some liberal is gonna wrongfully accuse you of chilling his free speech -- ya gotta be prepared
It also increases reflex time incredibly.
You can work out 2-3 time per week for roughly 30-45 minutes and you will be amazed. My only caution is check out a number of places before you get in too deep. find a reputable place that does not nickel and dime you (like charge you to test up to your next belt).
I'm so conviced, I'm gonna go work out right now!
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| Cardinal Ximinez |
When I was in the service we were trained in the martial art of Ching Ching. We would pull our .45 auto, slide the action back (the sound it made was "Ching"), slide the action forward again so as to chamber a round (again, it made a "ching" sound). This was the essence of the Ching Ching method.
There are several advantages to the Ching Ching.
1. When people hear that sound "ching--ching" conversation immediately stops and you become the focal point of attention.
2. Chicks dig a guy who knows how to use his "weapon" well, even if he is a bit flabby.
3. With other forms of martial arts you need to be within kicking or striking distance of that pesky liberal who is accusing you of squashing his free speech. With the Ching Ching method you only need to be within a football field of them to drop them in their tracks. This eliminates having to get those nasty liberal cooties on your hands.
4. Workouts last about 3 seconds, giving you more time for important things like drinking and eating.
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| Joey |
When I was in the ' Nam , the temperature in the summer months often reached 120 Degress with 98 Percent humidity . Thus , the dew point was a nasty 180 .
Surprisingly , no matter how much food I devoured , My platoon and myself found it almost impossible to gain weight . We all had 29 inch waists and weighed a proper 145 pounds ....fit and trim . Coupled with the pouring rain and the pure grade Smack , many of us has no appetites whatsoever . This really was not a problem until those damn VietCongs would suddenly appear out of nowhere and start shooting at you . I found myself out of breath time and time again as I chased the little V.C. to the Cambodian border and watched helplessly as they all disappeared into the Cambodian jungle , us americans forbidden to purse the enemy for fear of " offending " Red China .
I recommend a year in the jungles of ' Nam as a REAL good method of losing weight .
I hope this helps a little bit .
" Hit ME Ronnie "
Joey , C10
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| Maxlugar |
Oh thank you my Stonesilicious buddies!
Such great advice. I will email you tonight Keith1 and we shall get
rolling on it! I will take up Tae King Kong or whatever it was and take up Clink Clink Happy Fun Don Kwo.
Joey, I'm ashamed of you! This is serious! Why do you want Maxy to die?
For if I stay motivated I shall be healthy enough to make the
next Stones tour.
I also want to defend myself from liberal antagonists.
I wonder though, does being against free speech incude not wanting to here it?
For instance, you used to go over someone's house all the time but you got tired of hearing certain expoundings. You then decided not to go over that person's house anymore. Would you be against free speech?
Please let me know as it is really bothering me.
Anyway, Keith1 or anyone else that can help, feel free to use bootlegs. Use any song that would get my fat encrusted heart puping fast enough to lose weight.
Soon, a thin Maxy will develope his own weight loss infomercial illustrating the merits of your great CD.
Look out Richard Simmons!
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| nankerphelge |
Max's Stonesoflex
A scientificall designed system to trim inches off your forarms in minutes
[Ass shot]
With Stonesoflex you don't waste valuable time setting up or warmimng up
[tit shot]
With Stonesoflex you simply put in Handsomegirls, get a beer and flex you arm to the music
[Max shot "It' so easy -- I feel great]
And with Stonesflex there is no annoying sweat or clothes changing.
[Max on Lotus couch drinking a beer]
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| marko |
More sex and rock n roll maxy! |
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| Cardinal Ximinez |
You know Marko, you are on the right track. I read an article recently that stated that a 15 minute sexual encounter, burns as many calories as a 3 mile jog!
So just screw for 30 minutes. You will have done a 6 mile jog! |
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| marko |
Yeah tell me about it! |
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| ~AzQb |
Well, My MaxyDarlingOfTheEmenentKind:
Exercise? Try the "crack diet". Works every time ; )
{disclaimer: this is indeed a joke,silly people.}
Maxlugar!!! Are you getting back inshape ala seventeen to meet "the Queen"? Why, you sure missed BIG the seventeenth, but I spare you the deLICious details. We shall meet up, mate. Soon!
Diet? What works? Eat less, and exercise, even if it means replacing yer "namesake". Well worth it, my love ; ) Walking a few miles bundled up with earphones cranking Some Girls...hell, that should do it. Keeps me K-thin {amongst other things ; }
Love you!
~A
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