| December 2nd, 2004 01:09 PM |
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| charlotte |
MSNBC.com
Legislating your sex life
A search of sex laws turns up some surprises
By Brian Alexander
Contributor
MSNBC
Updated: 12:47 p.m. ET Dec. 2, 2004
News of the illness of Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist has raised the issue of how President George Bush might change the Supreme Court. What does this have to do sex?
Well, when it comes to sexual expression, a lot of people say, “There oughta be a law!” And politically powerful crusaders are already salivating over the possibilities. Concerned Women for America (CWA), for example, said last year that anal sex ought to be banned: “If we were really compassionate, we would be putting sodomy laws back on the books, not removing them.”
In fact, according to a search of state criminal code databases, there are already laws, lots of laws, regulating even private sexual expression. You might find some of them surprising.
Occasionally, the surprises stem from the legislative zeal to be thorough. In Texas, for example, “public lewdness” is against the law. No surprise there. But you can commit public lewdness even in private if you are “reckless about whether another is present who will be offended or alarmed” by, among other things, an “act involving contact between the person’s mouth or genitals and the anus or genitals of an animal or fowl.” Apparently, as long as nobody’s offended or alarmed, Red Island Red better watch out.
What's indecent?
States also have a wide variety of definitions for such things as public indecency. In Indiana, for example, you might be indecent if your male genitals are completely covered but “in a discernibly turgid state.”
As a former adolescent male, this worries me.
If you’re traveling with a lover, and you are not married to each other, but feeling in the mood, you’d better not rent a hotel room in North Carolina because "any man and woman found occupying the same bedroom in any hotel, public inn, or boardinghouse for any immoral purpose...shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.”
Sex under those circumstances would absolutely be “immoral” because, like many other states, North Carolina has laws against fornication whether you are in a hotel or just at home: “If any man and woman not being married to each other, shall lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and cohabit together, they shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.”
In Idaho, fornication can get you a $300 fine and six months in jail. But that’s a piece of cake compared to the penalty for adultery -- up to a $1,000 fine and three years in the state pen.
If you’re a man in Oklahoma, and you tell a virgin female you want to marry her, then you two commit fornication, you had better not change your mind about the marriage, Bub, or else you’ve committed a felony. You could go to jail for five years. Luckily, if you change your mind back again, and make an honest woman of her, all is forgiven.
Idaho, Indiana, North Carolina, Oklahoma and Texas are all conservative “red states.” Massachusetts, on the other hand, is the ultimate “blue state,” the state Bush accused of being full of “liberals” as if the state were a breeding ground for godless subversives. But it’s got some doozy sex laws. Adultery could get you three years in state prison. Sell a dildo, do five years. (I’ve previously mentioned anti-vibrator laws in Texas.) The state even has a catch-all statute for any “unnatural and lascivious act with another person.” The law doesn’t say just what is unnatural or lascivious.
Maryland appears to outlaw just about everything except the missionary position between married men and women. The law prescribes 10 years for “any unnatural or perverted sexual practice” like, say, oral sex. Not only that, but, says the law, the state can indict you without naming the particular act it’s accusing you of committing or even the manner in which you committed it.
Tough to enforce
For someone like me, who considers himself as law abiding as any other good citizen, it feels strange to know I have committed felonies in several states, misdemeanors in many others, and that my accumulated jail time under laws I found in the databases is about 250 years.
Lucky for me, most of these laws are rarely, if ever, enforced. For one thing enforcement just isn’t practical. Not only do the acts usually happen in private, but enforcing the laws would make the United States one vast prison.
As of June 2003, there is also a very real legal reason why the laws are not enforced. A Texas statute says: “A person commits an offense if he engages in deviate sexual intercourse with another individual of the same sex.” (Some other states with such anti-sodomy laws can’t bear to name the act. Instead, they use phrases like “the detestable and abominable crime against nature.”) When police arrested two gay men having sex in their own home, the men fought the case all the way to the Supreme Court -- which is what got the CWA and other sex prohibitionists all riled up.
The resulting decision, Lawrence v. Texas, struck down the law. At the time, the ruling was considered a major victory for gay rights, but it also means states are, for now, very limited in how they can restrict private sexual behavior between consenting adults, gay or not.
The laws, though, are still on the books, lurking like land mines left over from a war. Why? Well, few legislators are willing to propose repealing them because nobody wants to be seen as “approving” of fornication or adultery or, my goodness, anal sex. Besides, there’s no powerful rubberist lobby, or a rich PAC called Married People for Sodomy. But as the new legislative director for CWA has said, “You just don’t mess with the conservative right!”
When Arizona decided to repeal some of its archaic sex laws in 2001, one crusading legislator struck back by proposing a law revoking the teaching credentials of any educator found to be a fornicator or to have committed “crimes against nature” like oral sex or anal sex. The governor received thousands of e-mails, most insisting the laws stay. She signed the repeal anyway.
Would-be regulators of sexual expression realize that the Lawrence decision could be reversed, giving those old, unenforced laws new teeth. Justice Antonin Scalia, who voted with the minority in Lawrence, wrote a scathing dissent which made it clear he favored the ability of states to forbid sexual expression they deemed immoral whether the proscribed behavior takes place in private or not. Chief Justice Rehnquist and Justice Clarence Thomas voted with Scalia.
Bush has said that Thomas and Scalia are his favorites on the court. It’s possible that the president will name up to three new justices during his second term. That new court may very well decide that your sex life is the government’s business after all.
Brian Alexander is a California-based writer who covers sex, relationships and health. He is a contributing editor at Glamour and the author of "Rapture: How Biotech Became the New Religion" (Basic Books, 2003).
© 2004 MSNBC Interactive
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6620768/
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| December 2nd, 2004 01:12 PM |
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| Jumacfly |
Amazing!! |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:16 PM |
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| Mr Jimmy |
Glad I live in Canada... sexually speaking!
"The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation."
Pierre Trudeau (my former Prime Minister) on December 21, 1967.
[Edited by Mr Jimmy] |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:20 PM |
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| LadyJane |
And they all laughed at me for supporting Kerry!!
Glad I can SEE the Canadian border from my Office window.
Scary stuff...thanks charlotte.
LJ. |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:23 PM |
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| telecaster |
Since I haven't been getting any I could care less
Itchy & Scratchy in South Carolina |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:24 PM |
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| jb |
Thank god we can protect ourselves from the hostile Europeans who seek our demise to appease their Muslim populations... |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:26 PM |
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| telecaster |
http://www.airliners.net/open.file?id=332874&WxsIERv=Qm9laW5nIDczNy0ySzUvQWR2&WdsYXMg=SG9vdGVycyBBaXIgKFBhY2UgQWlybGluZXMp&QtODMg=V2luc3Rvbi1TYWxlbSAtIFNtaXRoIFJleW5vbGRzIChJTlQgLyBLSU5UKQ%3D%3D&ERDLTkt=VVNBIC0gTm9ydGggQ2Fyb2xpbmE%3D&ktODMp=RmVicnVhcnkgMTMsIDIwMDM%3D&WNEb25u=QnJpYW4gU3RldmVuc29uIC0gU1BPVCBUSElTIQ%3D%3D&xsIERvdWdsY=TjI1MFRS&MgTUQtODMgKE=Tm93IHRoYXQncyB3aGF0IEkgY2FsbCBhIGZsaWdodCBkZWNrIGNyZXch&YXMgTUQtODMgKERD=MzM5OTY5&NEb25uZWxs=MjAwMy0wMy0yNg%3D%3D&ODJ9dvCE=&O89Dcjdg=&static=yes |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:33 PM |
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| parmeda |
Thank God there's no mention of Illinois in that report...
I'd be in a heap of shit right now  |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:35 PM |
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| throbby |
I think I'm going to need a shot of salvation after that read.
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| December 2nd, 2004 01:36 PM |
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| LadyJane |
quote:
parmeda wrote:
Thank God there's no mention of Illinois in that report...
I'd be in a heap of shit right now
My dearest...THIS group would all be in the DEVIANT wing of the prison/psychiatric hospital. It's those damned Stones.
I can see us now...on one of those born again Christian TV shows being Healed en masse.
LJ. |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:40 PM |
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| parmeda |
quote:
LadyJane wrote:
I can see us now...on one of those born again Christian TV shows being Healed en masse.
NEVER!!!
...my libedo has rights  |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:42 PM |
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| jb |
Thanks Pug!!! I feel terrible for the little fella....I asked the wife to put some preparation H on "it" and she said 'I wiped your children' asses and have no intention of wiping your dogs ass"...I explained to her that's why he only loves and adores me....I will apply the vasoline tonight and report back tommorrow. |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:51 PM |
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| parmeda |
Josh, you just lost me out in left field, babe... |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:52 PM |
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| throbby |
Oral sex-> Crime against Nature-> Lake of Fire
Y'all better bring the sunscreen |
| December 2nd, 2004 01:58 PM |
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| LadyJane |
quote:
throbby wrote:
Oral sex-> Crime against Nature-> Lake of Fire
Y'all better bring the sunscreen
Well at least we'll FINALLY have the RO gathering we've been longing for! Chicago? NYC? London? No..HELL!!!!
LJ.
PS..Agreed Pam...what is jb talking about???? |
| December 2nd, 2004 02:03 PM |
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| parmeda |
I have no idea, LJ...but it sounds serious |
| December 2nd, 2004 02:49 PM |
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| jb |
quote:
parmeda wrote:
Josh, you just lost me out in left field, babe...
My dog was groomed and he seems to be rubbing his ass allover my marble floors..feel bad for the little fella. |
| December 2nd, 2004 02:55 PM |
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| Joey |
" My dog was groomed and he seems to be rubbing his ass allover my marble floors..feel bad for the little fella. "
<------- Call Lambchop ....................she will Uncake ANYTHING !
Damn Straight little buddy .................
Speaking of Asses :
Mine is Raw ........... just Raw .........Whoops :
********* END TRANSMISSION **********
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| December 2nd, 2004 02:59 PM |
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| parmeda |
I was just gonna say, "Ask our resident, proficient, virtuoso, ass-whiz Joey for some help...". |
| December 2nd, 2004 04:10 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
parmeda wrote:
I was just gonna say, "Ask our resident, proficient, virtuoso, ass-whiz Joey for some help...".
Pammy .........................................
Here in Nebraska , I live in a world surrounded by Flat Asses !
Why ?!?!?!
Why must the Asses Be So Flat ?!?!
Why ?!?! ......WHY ?!?!
Why ?..... When all the Joey does ..............is love .
J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe J Jo Joe JOEY !
Joey ! ™ |
| December 2nd, 2004 04:14 PM |
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| sirmoonie |
Its all of this marijuana smoking these goddam kids do today that leads to all of this sexin' and such. |
| December 2nd, 2004 04:14 PM |
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| nankerphelge |
That's right!
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| December 2nd, 2004 04:22 PM |
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| Joey |
http://www.howardstern.com/today-show-archive.php |
| December 2nd, 2004 04:33 PM |
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| gypsy |
quote:
jb wrote:
My dog was groomed and he seems to be rubbing his ass allover my marble floors..feel bad for the little fella.
My dog does the same thing--it means they need their anal glands squeezed...seriously. Some groomers will do it for you, and it just costs about $10 extra. Don't try doing it yourself-it's really gross.
I've just opened up a whole new can of worms here. |
| December 2nd, 2004 05:11 PM |
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| Poplar |
Spent most of the first 28 years of my life in North Carolina. Man, i racked up some serious jail time in many a motel room.
Fornicate'n away... |
| December 2nd, 2004 06:22 PM |
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| Lazy Bones |
quote:
Mr Jimmy wrote:
Glad I live in Canada... sexually speaking!
"The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation."
Pierre Trudeau (my former Prime Minister) on December 21, 1967.
[Edited by Mr Jimmy]
Yes, and Margaret was a Stones' fan, too... |
| December 2nd, 2004 08:12 PM |
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| corgi37 |
Here in Oz, it is considered bad form NOT to try to sodomise your gal.
Our traditional wedding ceremony involves the groom doing all the bridesmaids, and the bride getting "all holes filled". And so it should be! I am a stickler for tradition.
Oral sex is compulsory, and might be a University course one day (if i ever become Dean of a Uni, it will).
And, what about my foot fetish? Is that unnatural in North Carolina? Can i check out the cute little piggie toes of some sexy bitch in safety, or am i gonna be locked in stocks in the town square?
And there goes my planned trip to Texas. I hear they got some mighty good looking fowl there.
Mind you, i bet there aint no laws in the U.S. banning 5 year olds from owning rocket propelled grenade launchers!
P.S. Imagine if some one like Seymour Butts went to move to Ol' Caroline? Man, he'd be strung up by his balls!
Or, is that illegal too?
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| December 2nd, 2004 08:47 PM |
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| parmeda |
quote:
Joey wrote:
Pammy .........................................
Here in Nebraska , I live in a world surrounded by Flat Asses !
Why ?!?!?!
Why must the Asses Be So Flat ?!?!
Why ?!?! ......WHY ?!?!
Why ?..... When all the Joey does ..............is love .
There, there my Joey...come to Pammy...come back to Chicago...Oprah, alone, has enough ass for 3 Nebraskans. There's PLENTY of ass here! ...lol
Anyway, this is for corgi.
Seems like he needs a stategy if he ever plans on coming to the States
* In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
* Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
* The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
* An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!
* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
* In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only-called a corset inspector.)
* However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
* It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
* Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
* Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
* In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
* A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
* Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio -- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
* No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
* In Virginia, you can't have sex during the daytime, with a light on, or with socks on.
* In Rohnert Park, California, it is illegal for a women to have sex with a cow, but it is legal for a couple to have a threesome including the cow. |
| December 2nd, 2004 10:09 PM |
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| gypsy |
quote:
parmeda wrote:
There, there my Joey...come to Pammy...come back to Chicago...Oprah, alone, has enough ass for 3 Nebraskans. There's PLENTY of ass here! ...lol
Anyway, this is for corgi.
Seems like he needs a stategy if he ever plans on coming to the States
* In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
* Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
* The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
* An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!
* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
* In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only-called a corset inspector.)
* However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
* It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
* Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
* Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
* In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
* A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
* Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio -- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
* No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
* In Virginia, you can't have sex during the daytime, with a light on, or with socks on.
* In Rohnert Park, California, it is illegal for a women to have sex with a cow, but it is legal for a couple to have a threesome including the cow.
Excellent HOWE-ard Carter-like find, Parmy! |
| December 2nd, 2004 10:54 PM |
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| Sir Stonesalot |
>* Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio -- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!" <
Yes, but it is perfectly legal to have mirrors on the tops of your Cons.
Funny story. In my past occupation as a travel agent guy, I had the opportunity to check out cruise ships every now and then. On one occasion, I was taking a tour of a Princess Line ship....you know, the "Love Boat" line. Anyhow, our cute young tour guide was quite pleased with the dance floor in the disco. There was a nice pattern in glossy tile, and in the center of the pattern was a large round mirrored tile. This pattern took up the entire floor, so there were about 20 of these big round mirrors on the floor. She's standing right over one, telling us about the sound system and the lighting and the effects and such...and I'm just laughing my ass off. As I'm standing right in front of her, she stops her speech and asks what is so funny. I say, simply, "pink". She looks at me, and says "Pink? Whats pink?" I'm in a fit by now...all I can do is point to the floor....She was wearing a knee length skirt, and all you had to do was look down at the floor to see her pink undies. She gasped and grabbed at her skirt. Oh man, the look on her face!!! I say, "I'd like to shake the hand of the guy who designed this dance floor...pure genius!" Tears are streaming down my face from laughing so hard.
The other females in the group, now realizing what I had noticed, grabbed at their skirts and screamed, running for the door!
I was left alone, on my knees, laughing so hard that breaths were only coming in gasps. Our cute little tour guide couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the tour.
I later found out that they laid an opaque plastic film over all the mirrored tiles. Partypoopers.
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