| November 29th, 2004 08:04 PM |
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| telecaster |
Spending his days passing the time at his local "Barnes & Noble, joey felt he had achieved a major accomplishment and was quite proud of himself. Having been banned from 4 local "Starbucks", 2 "Caribou Coffees", 2 "Borders" and 1 local coffee shop for various offenses ranging from abusing the "free refill" policy to several embarrassing bathroom episodes, joey thought he had finally found a home. He had freeloaded at B&N for months now almost without incident. In fact, he had been able to read the entire "Harry Potter" series, the entire "Lord of The Rings" trilogy, and several hundred magazines and periodicals. All for free. Boy, was he proud of himself he thought!
Then one quiet day he looked up from "Star Trek: Klingons Revenge Vol XII" and there she was. The person who would change his life forever. Shake it to its core, redirect him, and make him become the man he knew he could be
Her name he would soon find out was Jill. From now on he would refer to her simply as "Café Hostess Jill".
He had never personally seen anything so lovely. Oh sure, he had seen women that kind of look like this on his pay-for-view porno sites but deep down he knew those women were Airbrushed in addition to having major computer and surgical enhancements.
Not Jill.
But joey was right about Jill. She was everything he claimed and more. No need to exaggerate in describing Jill. She was breathtaking. Nobody was sure where Jill came from or what her story was. With beautiful blond hair that tumbled down to her lower back, smooth lightly tanned skin with no imperfections and the smile of an angel Jill was all he had dreamed of and more. She had legs that were long and lean and went up to form a perfect, almost sculptured ass, the kind that can keep a young man in Nebraska up for days. Her breasts were not the kind that screamed, "Look at me, look at me!"
They were the kind that you find in the Playboy archives circa 1968-1972 before implants were all the rage.
Natural and beautiful as the day is long.
Day by day joey slowly moved from the Sci-Fi and self help sections into the café area of Barnes and Noble. He had never drunk so much coffee in his life. In one brief unexpected moment of boldness he even asked her at the cash register "would you like to go out for a wine cooler some time"? She smiled and without looking up said:
"Wine cooler-that's funny" and went about her business.
For months he thought to himself "was that a yes or a no or did she not think I was serious?" He agonized over this. Hopefully, he wished, she had forgotten the entire episode, or better yet never remembered it in the first place.
Ignoring a drawer full of restraining orders, today was joey's big day. It was all or nothing, do or die. He had made up his mind and nothing, nothing was going to stop him.
He got up early, washed and set the mullet, and carefully put together his wardrobe for this most important of days. He laid out his three options on his couch/bed:
1) "Beavis and Butthead Forever" t-shirt or
2) "Girls Gone Wild" t-shirt he obtained off Ebay or
3) The 80/20 polyester/cotton blend dress shirt he bought for a wedding years ago
Since today was the big day, he put on the 80/20
He walked into B&N and quickly walked over to the magazine rack. From this vantage point he could casually glance over the copy of "Monster Truck" magazine and see if she was in fact working today. She was! Oh, boy! This is it!
Ok, ok, calm down tiger he told himself. This is it. Breath in, breathe out. Casually he
meandered over to the café area and ordered his usual. Decafe tea, 12 sugars, 18 creams, and a cinnamon tart.
Jill: Is that all?
Joey: Yes
Jill: It will be awhile, if you sit down over there I will bring it over
Joey: Uh…...ok…...
He took his seat and waited. He rehearsed it over and over in his head all of the possible things he would say to her. All of the thousand different combinations of possibilities raced in his head. He was almost dizzy. On top of it, the place was packed and he might not get his big chance after all. Damn! He swore to himself, why didn't I pick a quieter day? Oh well, too late now the plan is in action.
Jill was busy but she never seemed bothered or hassled. She served everyone with charm and grace. The perfect wife he thought to himself. He waited and waited. How long does it take to pour some tea and cut a tart he thought? Maybe she didn't get the order and I will have to go up there again. No, no, tiger, calm down. Jill would never mess up.
She walked by his table several times with other customers' orders. Each time she came closer he tightened up, became clammy and had a hard time breathing.
Then, it was about to happen. He saw Jill pick up his order from the counter. He knew it was his because one of the other Café Hostesses had told him months ago "you are the only man that orders a cinnamon tart". This was it!
As if time and space went into slow motion it happened. He could see her staring directly at him from across the café. She carried his order shoulder high all while having a slight smile on her face, her eyes glaring directly into his, her path a direct route to his table.
He could see that oh so pretty hair bounce with each step, her breasts moving so slightly under her turtle neck sweater, her long legs finally walking their way to his table. As she got closer he could tell she was going to do more than drop off his order.
She put down his order on the table and slowly bent over to him. He could smell the lovely Jill, and lord was it heavenly! He could feel her warmth, her breath up close.
It was better than he had dreamt when he was up late at night thinking about it. I am in heaven he thought.
And then, it happened;
With all the efficiency, power and speed of a bald eagle grabbing a salmon out of a river she grabbed his entire package, twigs, berries and the 2.5 inches of manhood and whispered so softly and so slowly and so sweetly:
"If you ever pinch my ass like you just did one minute ago, or drive by my house again, or call my house at 3am again I will rip the entire contents of what is in my hand out of it's carriage and feed it to my German Shepherd. Do you understand"?
Finally they were one. Staring eye to eye, two people have never communicated better or understood each other so well. A message between two people has never been so clearly sent and so clearly received.
Due to the immense pressure applied to his unit, joey could not speak, he just slowly shook his head slightly in the affirmative and Jill slowly shook her head slightly in the affirmative to acknowledge him. And she released the death hold
And it was all over.
So that ladies and gentleman, is the true story of how Jill, the lovely Café Hostess, did in fact….. grab joey's cock
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| November 29th, 2004 09:50 PM |
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| gypsy |
Yay! tele, I had to grab a bag of Doritos, and a glass of tea while I read this love story. I was THAT riveted!
Great job! Jill is fucking hot! |
| November 30th, 2004 12:46 AM |
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| parmeda |
...gypsy, I hear ya!
Half way through, I had to grab a cup of coffee.
tele...I am nominating you, "Resident RO'er With The Most Fucking Time On Their Hands", rotflmao!!!
I have to admit I am especially fond of:
Quote..."With all the efficiency, power and speed of a bald eagle grabbing a salmon out of a river she grabbed his entire package, twigs, berries and the 2.5 inches of manhood and whispered so softly and so slowly and so sweetly:
"If you ever pinch my ass like you just did one minute ago, or drive by my house again, or call my house at 3am again I will rip the entire contents of what is in my hand out of it's carriage and feed it to my German Shepherd. Do you understand"?"
Classic tele, classic...
I like Jill! She sounds soooooo much like moi 
Hurry back home darlin', the SC beaches are sending your imagination into overdrive  |
| November 30th, 2004 03:18 AM |
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| gypsy |
If I were "Cafe Waitress Jill," I'd 'accidentally' spill a scalding cup of cappuccino onto joey's lap. |
| November 30th, 2004 07:01 AM |
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| LadyJane |
Another great read by our own Tele Hemingway.
tele-PM received..please check yours for a reply.
LJ. |
| November 30th, 2004 09:24 AM |
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| Joey |
"Another great read by our own Tele Hemingway. "
Yes , an outstanding post Tele......................
Thanks My Stonesian Brother ! --- You are much loved by The Joey !
Please feel free to take the rest of the day off !
W - W - W - W - W- What ?!?! .....Hell YES I got Jill's Phone Number last evening -- it was a " No Brainer " since she " Grabbed My Cock Last Week " !
I plan on calling her this evening and hopefully we are " On " for this Friday Night .
We Shall See !!! A Report on your desk by 10:00 AM CDT Tomorrow morning .
Developing .............................................
" Stones Rule You Friggin Bastards ! "
Jacky ! ™
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| November 30th, 2004 10:22 AM |
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| telecaster |
Thanks guys. Congrats joey on getting the phone number.
Well done my boy, we are all proud of you and wish you luck
I saw this story on CNN this morning about this girl & her commercial. Is this our Jill for the movie?
http://www.hardeesgirl.com/commercial.html
It is safe to open at work. Play the video commercial
I say this is our Jill. Thoughts? |
| November 30th, 2004 10:46 AM |
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| jb |
I made out with a blonde at the "No Security " tour!!! |
| November 30th, 2004 12:23 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
telecaster wrote:
http://www.hardeesgirl.com/commercial.html
It is safe to open at work. Play the video commercial
I say this is our Jill. Thoughts?
Tele ..................................
Are you sure this is safe to open up at the office ? |
| November 30th, 2004 12:27 PM |
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| charlotte |
I have heard that all of the girls working at B&N prefer anal......Go for it the Joey!!! |
| November 30th, 2004 12:31 PM |
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| telecaster |
100% safe. It is a hamburger commercial for Hardees
They ran it on CNN today so it passes FCC regs.
Some womens group was pissed saying it was to suggestive
Turn the volume down however as Foghat's "Slowride" is
playing and that could be harmful
Seriously, it is office-safe
And if Jill remotely looks anything like this you have my deep and heartfelt admiration
[Edited by telecaster] |
| November 30th, 2004 12:51 PM |
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| not bound to please |
Are you going to ask her to uncake you on the first date?
My plan of action worked like a charm, non?
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| November 30th, 2004 12:53 PM |
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| jb |
Does it mean your gaining weight when your penis is covered by foreskin even if you were circumcised? |
| November 30th, 2004 01:03 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
telecaster wrote:
100% safe. It is a hamburger commercial for Hardees
They ran it on CNN today so it passes FCC regs.
Some womens group was pissed saying it was to suggestive
Turn the volume down however as Foghat's "Slowride" is
playing and that could be harmful
Seriously, it is office-safe
And if Jill remotely looks anything like this you have my deep and heartfelt admiration
[Edited by telecaster]
I can't get the damn thing to work .....the commercial that is !
Developing .................................
{{{ ™ }}} |
| November 30th, 2004 01:11 PM |
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| nankerphelge |
"Does it mean your gaining weight when your penis is covered by foreskin even if you were circumcised?"
Depends.
If it is your's - yes.
Otherwise you are rubbing helmets with a man.
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| November 30th, 2004 01:28 PM |
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| not bound to please |
quote:
jb wrote:
Does it mean your gaining weight when your penis is covered by foreskin even if you were circumcised?
not THAT again! |
| November 30th, 2004 02:23 PM |
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| telecaster |
quote:
Joey wrote:
I can't get the damn thing to work .....the commercial that is !
Developing .................................
{{{ ™ }}}
Joey, not to worry, I have a friend that works at a large computer company in the midwest that provides technology solutions to consumers, businesses and institutions across the globe. Their offerings span IT infrastructure, personal computing and access devices, global services and imaging and printing for consumers, enterprises and small and medium businesses. His company employs over 140,000 people in 178 countries doing business in more than 40 currencies and more than 10 languages.
I am sure he could open it up for you. Where do you work again?
http://www.hardeesgirl.com/commercial.html
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| November 30th, 2004 03:13 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
telecaster wrote:
I am sure he could open it up for you. Where do you work again?
You make Joey smile !
Better go with the old Standby :
www.ChristiShake.com
W- W- W- W- What ?!?! .............Oh , sure :
www.girlsexplorer.com/LEIGH_ANDERSON.html |
| November 30th, 2004 03:33 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
not bound to please wrote:
not THAT again!
Lambchop....................................
Get Over Here ! ...........NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***** Young Joey SMASHES through the glass on his monitor , grabs Lambchop's bathetic little Avatar , and begins a serious , SERIOUS " fecal swab " session that rivals anything ever done by man before ********
Fecal ! ™ |
| November 30th, 2004 03:39 PM |
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| jb |
meine liebe abs shae monkey.......................... |
| November 30th, 2004 03:59 PM |
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| Joey |
quote:
jb wrote:
meine liebe abs shae monkey..........................
fade to white ....................like an angel
Baby Steel Magnolia ?!?!
http://www.marketwatch.com/news/yhoo/story.asp?source=blq/yhoo&siteid=yhoo&dist=yhoo&guid=%7BB2814276%2DA979%2D4393%2D8DEB%2DA1367295A624%7D
www.babiesfinder.com/LEIGH_ANDERSON.html
....................................................
[ Edited by Yates ( Black Irish -- Very Moving ) ]
Cassie & Co.
[Edited by Joey] |
| November 30th, 2004 05:29 PM |
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| kath |
telecaster! i hope you write books and stuff. you are a great writer! i was so rivited. great story.
and joey...our little joey...all grown up. |
| November 30th, 2004 07:58 PM |
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| Some Guy |
Joey, you get close to her late at night. Just you two snuggling on the couch. You lean into her and whisper silently into her ear, whilst holding her in your arms and say "That must be a keg in your drawers cause I'm gonna tap dat ass"! |
| November 30th, 2004 09:30 PM |
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| gypsy |
I think he should act like jb...just take on jb's facade...and be all "Well, being a Jew isn't easy around Christmas time, Jill. However, I am an extremely wealthy lawyer, so I plan to go to Ibiza until the Holidays are over." |
| December 1st, 2004 08:20 AM |
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| Some Guy |
quote:
gypsy wrote:
Yay! tele, I had to grab a bag of Doritos, and a glass of tea while I read this love story. I was THAT riveted!
Great job! Jill is fucking hot!
Is our Joey hot? |
| December 1st, 2004 09:19 AM |
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| Joey |
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
Is our Joey hot?
Some Guy :
I love the smell of Baby Steelie in the morning ........................smells like .......................................Napalm ?!?!
W - W - W- What ?!?! ...........Oh , sure ! :
" 'Sideways' Leads Indie Spirit Nominees "
Tue Nov 30, 2:09 PM ET
By DAVID GERMAIN, AP Movie Writer
" LOS ANGELES - "Sideways" led contenders Tuesday for the Independent Spirit Awards with six nominations, including best film, lead actor for Paul Giamatti (news) and director for Alexander Payne.
"Maria Full of Grace" was second with five nominations for the awards, which honor movies whose financing comes at least partly from independent sources outside the Hollywood studio system.
The drug-running drama "Maria Full of Grace" joined "Sideways" in the best film category, along with "Baadasssss!," Mario Van Peebles' re-creation of father Melvin's struggle to make the 1970s black-power flick "Sweet Sweetback's Baad Asssss Song"; "Kinsey," a film biography of sex researcher Alfred Kinsey, with Liam Neeson in the title role; and "Primer," a twisting techno-thriller that won the top dramatic honor at last winter's Sundance Film Festival (news - web sites).
The road-trip comedy "Sideways" also earned nominations for Virginia Madsen as supporting actress, Thomas Haden Church as supporting actor and Payne and Jim Taylor for their screenplay.
The non-profit Independent Film Project, which sponsors the awards, will announce winners in a ceremony Feb. 26, the night before the Academy Awards (news - web sites).
Giamatti, nominated as lead actor last year for "American Splendor," this time was cited for his "Sideways" role as a failed writer and husband bumbling through a fresh chance at romance on a wine-tasting spree with a buddy who's about to be married.
Other lead-actor nominees: Neeson for "Kinsey"; Kevin Bacon (news) for "The Woodsman," in which he plays a child molester trying to set his life straight after prison; Jeff Bridges (news) as a father coping with a family tragedy through booze and extramarital flings in "The Door in the Floor"; and Jamie Foxx (news) in "Redemption," playing Stan "Tookie" Williams, an imprisoned L.A. gang member who becomes a crusader against violence.
"Maria Full of Grace" star Catalina Sandino Moreno earned a lead-actress nomination as a young Colombian woman whose hope for a better life leads her into a perilous gambit as a "mule" smuggling heroin to the United States.
Also nominated for lead actress were Kimberly Elise as a woman traumatized by childhood abuse who lands on death row in "Woman, Thou Art Loosed"; Vera Farmiga as a wife and mother falling deeper into drug addiction in "Down to the Bone"; Judy Marte as a street-tough Jersey drug dealer in "On the Outs"; and Kyra Sedgwick as an abused wife who returns home to reunite with the daughters she abandoned in "Cavedweller."
Besides Church for "Sideways," supporting-actor nominees were Jon Gries (news), "Napoleon Dynamite"; Aidan Quinn, "Cavedweller"; Roger Robinson, "Brother to Brother"; and Peter Sarsgaard, "Kinsey."
Along with Madsen for "Sideways," supporting-actress contenders were Cate Blanchett (news), "Coffee and Cigarettes"; Loretta Devine, "Woman, Thou Art Loosed"; Robin Simmons, "Robbing Peter"; and Yenny Paola Vega, "Maria Full of Grace."
"Baadasssss!" star Van Peebles joined Payne in the directing category. The other nominees: Shane Carruth, "Primer"; Joshua Marston, "Maria Full of Grace"; and Walter Salles, "The Motorcycle Diaries."
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=493&u=/ap/film_independent_spirit_awards&printer=1
[Edited by Joey] |
| December 1st, 2004 11:31 AM |
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| gypsy |
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
Is our Joey hot?
Ummm, yeah. The morbidly obese tend to get hot and perspire profusely--even with the current temperatures around the U.S. |
| December 1st, 2004 11:56 AM |
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| Joey |
quote:
gypsy wrote:
Ummm, yeah. The morbidly obese tend to get hot and perspire profusely--even with the current temperatures around the U.S.
" Orleans
Song Title: Still The One "
" We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one that I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one... "
.........fade to Baby Steel Magnolia ! |
| December 1st, 2004 02:01 PM |
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| telecaster |
Hey joey I forgot to ask.
What are you telling the girlfriend you are doing Friday
night?
Howe did you pull that one off? |
| December 1st, 2004 02:28 PM |
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| gypsy |
quote:
telecaster wrote:
Hey joey I forgot to ask.
What are you telling the girlfriend you are doing Friday
night?
Howe did you pull that one off?
His "girlfriend" is a sheep...it shouldn't be too hard. |
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