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Topic: Guitar Face Return to archive
November 16th, 2004 04:09 PM
Ten Thousand Motels Face the music

Your guide to rock's loudest looks

By ISAAC GUZMAN

When it comes to playing guitar, there's an essential technique that's not taught in any music school and has nothing to do with notes, strings or chords.
We've seen it in the grimace of Keith Richards and the beatific smile of Carlos Santana. The folks at the cable channel Mag Rack call it the "guitar face," and they've spent a good chunk of this year trying to find America's best.

"It's sort of an indelible piece of pop culture, with the agony-and-ecstasy face of Eric Clapton or Eddie Van Halen," says Dan Ronayne, general manager of Mag Rack, a video-on-demand service available locally on Cablevision.

With the channel's "Guitar Xpress" programming, Mag Rack announced the Guitar Face Contest in June. Hundreds of would-be rock stars sent in their wildest poses, and now the field has been whittled to 10 finalists, including New Yorker Jennifer Barrett, whose portrait has been eloquently titled "Vamp With an Amp."

"You get lost in the moment when you perform," says Barrett, who was captured with her Stratocaster while gigging with the Australian band Matt Finish in the mid-'90s.

"Life is hard enough, so music is the one place where you can really have fun," she adds. "There's just a sort of recklessness that goes along with being an artist."

Except for Susan O'Connor, who was captured with a drooping inflatable guitar at her wedding reception, all of the finalists are actual players who take their faces seriously. Their gravitas is matched by legendary surf guitarist Dick Dale, one of the celebrity judges who will select a winner next month.

"When I'm playing and you see expressions on my face, that's not showbiz � that's pain," Dale says.

"Others may play with their fingers, but I play from within my gut. One fellow said, 'It looks like you're trying to exorcise a devil.' "

Even when they're serious, they acknowledge that the contortions can have a humorous side. Just ask Les Campbell, a Kentucky musico whose mid-riff portrait perfectly captured his bushy 'stache and flowing locks � earning him the nickname "Angus McFoghat." "It's kind of a natural thing that happens when you're playing live," he says. "But obviously, you wouldn't make those faces if you knew you were doing them."

You can see Angus, Vamp and "The Bride of Funkenstein" at www.magrack.com. Compare their mugs to the famous faces that follow and vote for the Guitar Xpress "People's Choice Award."


Guitar face 101
A handy guide to rock stars' favorite onstage emoticons


Suffering
With roots in the sorrowful wail of the blues, Suffering is the mainstay of all guitar faces. It speaks of afflictions ranging from heartache and remorse to suicidal thoughts and existential dread. It is established fact that a mask of unrelenting lament makes any minor-key solo more soulful.

Mastered by: Eric Clapton, B.B. King, Dave Matthews


Satanic possession
This devil-may-care face is the flip side of Spiritual, indicating that the player's riffs are powered by pure evil. Satanic Possession may incorporate cryptic tattoos, forked tongues, blood and multiple piercings. In elections, the look gives culturally clueless pols a wedge issue.

Mastered by: Gene Simmons, James Hetfield (of Metallica), Wes Borland (Limp Bizkit)


Surprise
The least genuine of all guitar faces, Surprise is favored by shredding metalheads who simply cannot believe how talented they are. It's the "Oh, wow!" smirk that lets us know that a particularly tricky hammer-on with a harmonic overtone has been achieved and it is awesome, dude!

Mastered by: Eddie Van Halen, Rick Nielsen (Cheap Trick), Billie Joe Armstrong (above, of Green Day)


Swagger
Perhaps the trickiest of all guitar faces to get right, Swagger is all about attitude and cool. And if you're not actually cool, you'll never get it right. Key accessories include: cigarette dangling from side of mouth, ever-present tumbler of gin or whisky, bandannas.

Mastered by: Keith Richards (Rolling Stones), James Honeyman-Scott (Pretenders), Slash (above, of Guns N' Roses)


Sex god
By definition, any truly great guitar player is sexy. But the Sex God look takes the game to another level. With a bewildering combination of smoldering glances and impossibly perfect cheekbones, a Sex God barely need pluck a string to seduce every woman (or man) in the arena.

Mastered by: Richie Sambora (of Bon Jovi), Nancy Wilson (Heart), Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead)


Spiritual
With a blissed out countenance, the Spiritual ax-man demonstrates that his notes are so unfathomably sublime that he has been transported to another plane altogether. He is not playing the instrument, his muse is. The most dangerous face, due to the tendency of fans to join cults.

Mastered by: Jimi Hendrix, Carlos Santana, Prince


Stoic
With a glacial facade of utter boredom, the great Stoic guitarists act like they could give a toss about being famous, swarmed by groupies and rich. But the careful composition of their lifeless sneer tells us otherwise � he will actually cease to exist if nobody's listening.

Mastered by: John Entwistle (The Who), Blixa Bargeld (The Bad Seeds), Derek Trucks (of the Allman Brothers)

Originally published on November 16, 2004

November 16th, 2004 04:17 PM
glencar Another great find!
November 16th, 2004 07:40 PM
Lazy Bones As if they need to put "(Rolling Stones)" after Keith's name! If you're that clueless, you shouldn't give a shit about the article anyway. Sheesh.
November 16th, 2004 11:41 PM
PolkSalad haha, I always called it Clapton face and whadda yuh know, there is one
November 18th, 2004 04:45 AM
Barney Fife Good article with the exception of the mention of Dave Matthews.