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Topic: Ten things I love/hate about the Rolling Stones Return to archive
November 10th, 2005 07:33 PM
moy it's an article, not me

Ten things I love/hate about the Rolling Stones
By Buddy Blue
November 10, 2005

Ten things I love about the Rolling Stones:

1) All the hubbub over "A Bigger Bang" as the Stones' best album since "Some Girls" is actually warranted.

2) Everyone over age 40 should take heart that any group as chronologically challenged as the Stones can still manage to pack arenas all over the world and fashion their tour as imperative cultural events, even to young people.

3) It's true, Mick looks more and more like a beached sea bass each year. That said, no one has any right to sound so vital and put on such an athletic stage show at an age where most men spend an undue percentage of their time whining about prostate conditions.

4) It's a cliché, but true: Keef's hideousness transcends anything previously witnessed in world history. His shriveled uglitude is so magnificent as to approach the realm of Zen perfection. And if he's not dead yet, there's always a chance that none of the rest of us ever will be.

5) As opposed to the Glimmer Twins, Charlie's aged as gracefully as any rock 'n' roller ever. The silver locks, calm humility, dignified demeanor – I want Charlie to be my grandpa! His jazz albums are usually cool, too.

6) Woody may not be flashy, he's merely been one of the most underrated guitarists on the scene for decades; a fellow that personifies everything great about the term "team player."

7) The book "According to the Rolling Stones" was astonishingly honest and revealing. Smack was talked; love was expressed; notions were confirmed; insight permeated each page.

8) It happened nearly 40 years ago, but they still deserve credit to this day: The Stones did not have to insist on having Howlin' Wolf appear on "Shindig" with them as conducive to their own performance.

9) More ancient but vital history: The critical consensus of "Their Satanic Majesty's Request" being nothing more than a shoddy rip-off of "Sgt. Pepper" is hogwash. I'm here today to tell you that "Sgt. Pepper" is the Beatles worst album by leagues, while "Satanic Majesty's" is among the Stones' five best. Listen again.

10) "Sticky Fingers" remains the single greatest rock 'n' roll album recorded by anyone, ever, period, and will never, ever be surpassed.

Ten things I hate about the Rolling Stones:

1) "A Bigger Bang" is the Stones' best album since "Some Girls," but "Some Girls" ain't no "Sticky Fingers." In fact, it's not even an "Aftermath."

2) The Stones still pack arenas, but the bloated price of tickets and swag is just the sort of base profiteering and dinosaur-rawk-star cynicism that the punk set out to destroy three decades ago.

3) Mick is a serious weenie. For proof, read "According to the Rolling Stones." Or – a more terrifying prospect – listen to any of his solo albums.

4) Note to Keef: Dude, you're 62 years old. You can stop putting beads in your hair and strutting about in silk scarves now. How much cooler would your corpse-like uglitude be if it wasn't framed in the attire of a 20-year-old kid from 1982?.

5) Look at a picture of Charlie for too long, and you'll suffer nightmares about lizards wearing gangster suits.

6) Woody is underrated, but both Mick Taylor and Brian Jones contributed significantly more to the Stones' sound during their shorter tenures with the group than Woody has.

7) The omission of any commentary from Mick Taylor or Bill Wyman in "According to the Rolling Stones" was worthy of the Soviet Union's Politburo at the height of the Cold War.

8) The Stones rank among the worst-ever interpreters of Howlin' Wolf material. In fact, I'd go so far as to say the Stones were a total embarrassment as a blues band until 1968 or so.

9) Whoever let Bill Wyman's "In Another Land," onto "Satanic Majesty's Request" should have been summarily executed. The horror of that one tune alone is nearly enough to justify the album's negative repute.

10) Note to Stones: You know that tongue logo you guys started using when "Sticky Fingers" was released? You can stop now – you're old people and no one wants to think about your tongues anymore. Except for maybe Elton John.


Buddy Blue is a San Diego musician, writer and all-around curmudgeon. His Blue Notes column runs weekly in Night&Day.
November 10th, 2005 09:26 PM
Gazza LOL..very good (and mostly pretty accurate!)

November 10th, 2005 09:49 PM
Soldatti Another clown around, but at least he got some fair point.
November 11th, 2005 01:17 AM
CraigP I love "In Another Land." I can play it on harpsicord.
November 11th, 2005 01:36 AM
the good He's dead on about the Stones not being able to play or write blues until around 1968. Then some real transformation happened, and they just got the hang of it all of the sudden.
November 11th, 2005 01:41 AM
Child of the Moon Tongue-in-cheek, it made me smile, Especially the bit about Satanic Majesties.
[Edited by Child of the Moon]
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