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Topic: Pulling a Nolte! Return to archive Page: 1 2
10-24-02 06:15 PM
stonedinaustralia thanks nanky i appreciate that

and like you, i now apporach that stuff with EXTREME CAUTION
10-24-02 06:43 PM
sirmoonie VooCIW did a YOTI-NOLTE. Heh, heh. Get it? You know, it like rhymes with the bar and all.....ehhh.

COTM, you did something son, but I'm not quite sure its a Nolte. When embarking on a Nolte, I think you are supposed to at least believe in the beginning that its going to be pleasurable, even if it doesn't end up that way. Like, frinstince, drinking a bottle of Ajax, licking rat piss off the floor, or snorting roach poison are not Nolte activators. See what I mean? Don't get me wrong now, you are a very, very fucked up person and I admire you greatly, but I'm not sure you've ever Noltied.
10-24-02 06:49 PM
Sir Stonesalot When I was in the army there was this thing that we'd do from time to time called "Robo-ing".

Since we were forced to take piss tests all the time, we had to find alternate ways of getting a buzz. You get a big bottle of Robotusin DM, pour it over a glass of ice, and drink the whole thing down. Chug it. Within like 30 seconds you start to feel very drunk. About 15 minutes later you hurl. But by that time enough of the DM gets in your system to fuck you up royally. It lasts about 4-6 hours.

Also, if you eat an entire box of A.R.M. allergy medicine, it's like doing a bunch of blow.
10-24-02 06:54 PM
Sir Stonesalot wrote:
Robotusin DM,

what is that!!
10-24-02 07:07 PM
parmeda lol....
These are great! But have any of you ever pulled a Nolte followed with a Paul Rueben?

There are some things a person takes to their grave...lmao!
10-24-02 07:15 PM
Sir Stonesalot SIA...Robotusin DM is a brand of cold medicine in syrup form. DM is the only kind that really gets you fucked up. I still have trouble drinking anything "cherry" flavored.

Pammy, are you telling me that you got fucked up bigtime, and then wacked off in public?

Good Lord!
10-24-02 07:26 PM
gypsy I know people who take GHB because of medical conditions, such as MLS, or even insomnia. It isn't always used as a 'date-rape drug.' I still love Nick Nolte...he was so handsome in 'Rich Man, Poor Man.'
10-24-02 11:28 PM
Martha Has anyone here seen Nolte's performance in "Afflicted"? Perhaps he was getting into character for another similar role when the cops pulled him over.

I'm not so sure "pulling a Nolte" has to include the belief you are about to have a good time.....perhaps Nick was depressed at the get-go???

Who can corroborate this part of the debacle? Where's the research team when we need 'em?

Oh yeah...tequila..with that transparent little worm-like creature floating in it.

I had the pleasure once during my college daze to imbibe with friends on a week night (I do remember it wasn't a weekend) at a local bar in Athens OH..

Well I have a tendency to overdo..and this was no exception.

For whatever reason we all decided to drink tequila. And though it was a school night..I was ready for anything..I was there wasn't I. So let's party..right?!

I remember drinking..but honestly don't know how many shots we all, or I should say, I did.

I just remember sitting with my friends at a table, drinking shots then the scene simply fades from my memory into.............nothing. Blackout city. Not the first time I took a trip there either.

I do have a vague memory of being put into my bed by the one friend, evidently later in the evening.

Woke up hung-over somewhat. Don't really recall much about that. I think I might have been a bit sick too.

The two guys I had been with that night were very protective of me and always treated me as their sister..the two of them were brothers who had worked for me at the greenhouse and fruit cart I managed for my sister and her (then) husband. They were fond of me and I of them.

Holy crap did they tease me incessantly afterwards though. Just like brothers would do. They swore up and down (with added sound effects that they always used to tell their stories...big ooooooooooooo's and ahhhhhhhhhhhhs perfectly placed for the added effect ) that I had gotten on the pool table at the bar and did something horribly embarrassing while in a blackout. Of course they led me to believe it involved inappropriate the way I didn't always keep my clothes on in those days..ya know skinny dippin' and nature freakin' stuff was all the rage and I still have no qualms with such activity with the right people of course..and I was a nude model in college for the art classes, which of course they they had a lot of material to work my nerves with. And work them they did..for weeks.

However, I don't believe I did anything of the least not that night. But then I'll never really know for sure.

Great valium story SS It's amazing you can remember that much of it! Mr. V is a powerful mind erasing substance like no other I've encountered..'cept tequila I guess. Sorry you missed so much of the didn't miss much.

I hope my little tale might help you share yours Luxury. Bring on the stories..I know there's more tales to be told out there....

I think no less of anyone sharing on this topic...after all.....there but for the grace of God go I my friend. I cannot even tell some of my stories here...let's just say it involves a skinny dippin' pond the hood of a car...a hot summer night and a tall blond Norwegian swimmer.

Yes I know...Dear Lord.
10-25-02 05:17 AM
luxury1 Martha--
Much as I enjoy reading all these twisted tales, I'm afraid Jaxx would edit my ass right off this board if I started in with mine. I am really trying to impress her with my newly "less than sleazy" message board repertoire. However, now I am concerned with becoming labeled "boring." How awful.
10-25-02 09:30 AM
scope A long, long time ago, in a local neigherborhood bar, some friends and I got this bright idea to do a shot of each bottle behind the bar. Now and idea like this doesn't hit you as soon as you walk in, so we had downed quite a few brews by the time we got this brilliant idea. I'm told I made it through the vodkas and tequilas, but lost it somewhere in the scotch family.
This being quite a while ago, DUI wasn't a big concern and I insisted on driving myself home, less than 1 mile away. We were living in a basement apartment in a residential neighborhood. I woke up in the early morning hours laying on the steps of the house, right there with my own vomit. My wife found me and got me in the house before the landlord saw me. The next day he apologized for that mess that some dog must have left on the steps. We moved the following year, and I always felt that I should go back and explain it to him, but why ruin that perfect image he had of these lovely tenants?
10-25-02 09:43 AM
nankerphelge Removal-of-clothing Noltes are treasures.

There is a picture out there somewhere of a beautiful Naked Nanky Nolte (the highly coveted "Triple N"). I got super fucked up at a basketball tourny at Penn State -- had some Karen Ann Quinlan chiba and a whole lotta beer -- ended up passed out in the bathtub at the hotel wearing nuthin' but sunglasses. Then the guys dumped dozens of empty beer cans in the tub with me and snapped a "numb cocktail frank" pic!! It graced the bulletin board at the fraternity for a while and then disappeared.

I'm sure it'll turn up again at the Senate confirmation hearings...

Another Triple N occurred on my 27th birthday. I was supposed to head home for dinner with the missus and her brother. But I got detoured by some guys at work -- they tempted me first with beers after work, then baited me to the one guy's house with some Kush chiba and Let It Bleed. We ended up drinking Black Bush Irish Whiskey and smoking bongs (and listening to LIB) -- I called home 3 times to let the missus know I was goinna be late(r). On call #3 she told me not to bother. I took her at her word.

Later, one of the guys drove me home -- all the lights were off when I arrived -- I figured I'd sneak in the door so as not to wake her or the dog. It worked -- I was quite proud of my stealth -- the dog had incredible hearing and to get in without a bark was incredible. I didn't want to go upstairs and face the music, so I got undressed and laid in the middle of the living room floor and tried to stop the Auntie Ems! I was so proud tho -- I had pulled it off!

All of a sudden I hear a key in the door. The missus wasn't even home the whole time -- she had taken her brother to the train and all my stealth was in vain. "Wait, this isn't right" I thought. I tried to sit up, but was still too drunk, and I just listed to the side. The dog, who had been with my wife, ran circles around my naked ass barking and licking my face, adding greater confusion to the whole mess! Mrs. nank threw my birthday present at me and marched off to bed. I simply sat there, confused and drooling until I passed out.

10-25-02 10:01 AM
Maxlugar "Karen Ann Quinlan chiba"

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best Nanky!

Is that dame still alive? Last I heard they unplugged her and she still kept going!

Karen Ann Quilan and Keith Richards and cockroaches will be the only things left after the H-Bombs fall!

10-25-02 10:47 AM
jb What about the infamous "elephant -walk" we all had to participate in during the wonderful fraternity years!!!
10-25-02 10:57 AM
Riffhard This one time in band camp......

Oh,wait,that's another story. goes.
I still have memories of this story that on occassion come into crystal clear focus,only to be swept away again in a sea of haze and fog.

In 1981,incidentently three weeks before I would see the Stones at the Fox Theater in Atlanta,two of my friends and I decided to take a little road trip. We were all between 17 and 18 at the time and decided that Chatanooga,Tenn. was as good a place to party as anywhere.

At that time the legal drinking age was 19 in Tenn.,but we figured we could BS our way into some little honky tonk. I mean after all we were sophisticated city folk from Hotlanta,Ga.. Surly no backwoods Tennesee redneck was gonna question our morals or our God given right to have a little fun in their fair city?! With that smug attitude we set off for the great north.

My buddy Tim at the wheel of his cherry 76 Pontiac LeMans,me riding shotgun and my other friend Mark in the back twisting some fine Columbian(never see that gold stuff anymore),we were in fine spirits.It wouldn't last.

We had managed to procure the weed and some ludes,as well as a bottle of Jack Daniels and a twelve pack of Bud. We were hunting for bear,buzz wise.

Heading north on 75 we were cranking nothing but Stones on the indash 8 track player.Exile,Sticky Fingers,Goatshead,as well as the two new ones,Emotional Rescue and Tattoo You. We perceived ourselves as true rockstars on our way to Morracco.I should say that Chattanooga is a far cry from Marakesh,but what did we know.

As this trip was more of a whim than an actual planned out vacation,we had no place in mind to sleep.Our priorities strictly revolved around two things.The buzz and the babes. We were convinced that some small town Tennesee hotties would be impressed with our rockstaring roadtriping ways.Wrong.

As we pulled into Chattanooga proper we relized that we had driven an hour and half for a town that had long since rolled up the sidewalks. It was only around 10pm,but that apparently is a time when only lowdown filthy drunks and honkytonkin' rednecks roam the streets of this God fearing little town.We were dismayed,but not diswayed. We were gonna find some fun no matter what. Afterall,we had the better part of on ounce of fine Columbian,as well as all the hootch three kids drink!

We eventully found a bar that was open.This was such a sterotypical Southern Honky Tonk. It was perfect in everyway. The walls were unpainted cinder block. With the exception of a truly garish mural of Elvis on the far wall. We were awash in slate grey cinderblock and bluegrey stale cigarette smoke. Right down to the torn felt on the pool table,this place was somthing right out of a Tennesee Williams play. All the regulars gave us a long uncomforatble look. As we sideled up to the bar we were all nervous about getting carded. The beerbellied barkeep came right to us. He took one look at me and said,"What will it be?",we all breathed a sigh of relief. I ordered a Bud and got one icecold. Then the bartender turns to my friends and says,"I know you fellas brought your ids,right?" Shit! We were sunk! No soup for them. I sat back and enjoyed my first "bought at a bar" Budweiser,with thoughts of Country Honk playing in my brain. My friends,understandably,wanted to split. That was not a problem at all as the bartender saw my friend Mark take a pull from my beer. He walked up to us and in a very thick Tennesee accent said,"I ain't beleivin' what I just seen. You boys need to pack it in."
We left with no "bar bought buzz" and no babes to speak of.

We left the honky tonk a bit dejected. It quickly became apparent that our best bet was to find a campsite that we could start the real partying at. We settled on a KOA about five miles out of town. We drove in not even bothering to check in at the office. We found a nice site well away from any other campers and set up camp. As we had no tent,setting up camp was nothing more than popping the trunk and retreiving the portable 8 track,the beers,the Jack,and the Coleman lantern. We each took a lude to set the mood. While we were still coherent we started a campfire and started the propane Coleman lantern. All of our partying goods were neatly arranged on the concrete picnic table. We were set! Let the partying begin! The night was one long(or short?)drunken drugged out blur. Cranking the Stones,doing shots,chasing them with piss warm Budweiser,and smoking joint after joint,the ludes began to take affect. Blackness.

The next day we awoke a bit torn and frayed to say the least. Tim had a fat lip with dried blood crusted all over his face and chin. Mark was hobbleing around looking for his right boot. I woke to the stench of burnt flesh. I looked at my right arm and there on my forearm I read.nameloC. I stratched my head in wonder. Suprisingly,I felt no real pain from my burn. I went to the picnic table and looked at the still lit Coleman lantern. There one the top of it were several layers of my burnt forearm skin. Mark eventully found his right boot. It was in the fire. Nothing but a melted sole remained. The leather had stoked our fire through the night.

We limped back to Atlanta trying to convince ourselves that we had had a great time. We tried in vain to peice together the previous nights "great" party. Twenty two years later we still are trying to figure out what had happened to us that night. With age comes knowledge and we now just chalk it up to the combo of illicit drugs,Jack Daniels,and beer in the hands of minors. To this day Mark still has his left boot,for oldtimes sake. My scar faded long ago and Tim's fat lip healed within a week of our tour of Tennessee.

Although we didn't know what to call it at the time. I'm now sure that we three had pulled a full Nolte with honors!


[Edited by Riffhard]
10-25-02 11:25 AM
sirmoonie Hell yeh, Riffie! Thats a full mongo Nolte with some heavy Fear and Loathing in Tennessee overtones!

Keep 'em coming. I got a few goodies ready to unload, including a semi-Reubenesque Nolte that may seen the light.
10-25-02 11:30 AM
Maxlugar My stomach actually hurts from that one Riffy.


You have no business making me laugh like that at work.
10-25-02 11:43 AM
nankerphelge Absolutely -- accidental self-branding is conclusive proof of a Nolte!
10-25-02 12:08 PM
Scot Rocks This thread kicks assssssssssssss

Keep em coming!!!!!


10-25-02 12:22 PM
luxury1 wrote:
Much as I enjoy reading all these twisted tales, I'm afraid Jaxx would edit my ass right off this board if I started in with mine. I am really trying to impress her with my newly "less than sleazy" message board repertoire. However, now I am concerned with becoming labeled "boring." How awful.

Hey Luxury, One thing you certainly are not is boring. No need to fret over that. I bet if you squint your eyes and concentrate real hard you can come up with very creative ways to spin your yarns of daze gone by....and not be edited by Jaxx.

What the hell is Karen Quinlan and Kush chiba???

No more gold bud OR red-bud (oh god red-bud was the best).....where did that great tasting and buzz happening shit disappear to anyway?

Joey...are you out there?????????????
10-25-02 12:32 PM
FPM C10 MAN this is hilarious stuff. Sorry I don't have one to top them - well, actually I'm GLAD I don't. I sorta always kept it together when I was whacked out.

Gotta say the Naked Nanker Nolte cracked me up the most - only because, of course, we all saw him do the same thing at 2000 Man's house. I bet Mrs. 2000 Man will never forget that!

heeheehee. just kidding!

Actually, Nanker's story reminds me of my all time favorite FOAF (friend of a friend) story - The Turkey Neck. (I want to make a short film of this story.)If you've heard it, read no further, but it goes like this:

A friend of a friend of your cousin has a broken arm. "What happened, Connie?" asks the friend of your cousin. (Your cousin SWEARS this is all true!) Well, it seems that Connie was preparing a turkey the night before, and she'd taken the neck out of the cavity because it's her husband's favorite part. She put the turkey out to thaw on the counter and went to bed. Then her no-good husband came home, drunk as usual, and tried to make it upstairs to bed but decided he needed to lay down on the floor in the kitchen to stop the Auntie Ems. (great term, Nanker!) He quickly passed out. An half hour later Connie's no-good teenage son (I think he might have been on DOPE, your cousin says) comes in. Now, he's from a previous marriage and he HATES his step-father so when he seems him passed out on the floor, he can't resist a little prank. Seeing the turkey neck on the counter, he opens the old man's fly and sticks the end of the turkey neck in, with the rest of it's nasty red meat - it's like a foot long - hanging out. Satisfied that the old man looks sufficiently ridiculous, he goes up to bed.

Later Connie hears a noise in the kitchen and starts down the steps. She sees Grover, the family's Rottweiler, chewing on the end of the turkey neck which is sticking out of her husband's fly. She's so shocked by what she THINKS she sees that she falls down the steps and breaks her arm.

Now I swear this is all true, it happened to a friend of a friend of my cousin, right after the dead deer came to life in his back seat!

10-25-02 01:05 PM
jb wrote:
the infamous "elephant -walk"

that's henry mancini isn't it - what a great tune - forget about "heartbbreaker" - doo doo doo doo doo do do do it

[Edited by stonedinaustralia]
10-25-02 01:16 PM
nankerphelge wrote:
accidental self-branding is conclusive proof of a Nolte!

but nanky - what about purposeful self branding? - how many points do you get for that ?? - the thing is - unless you burn it REAL deep it just fades like another memory
10-25-02 01:49 PM
sirmoonie Recent one.

In Chicago on biz and staying at plush, high tech Four Seasons hotel. Biz ends and I convince powers above me that I should stick around in hotel for the weekend to "wrap things up." Motive: banshee party with Chicago-dwelling baby brother and his whacko futures trading/broker buddies all weekend long.

After pounding Nolt on Rush street all night, me and bro make it back to Four Seasons and close hotel bar down. Serious Nolte now. Staggerized Nolte. Up to suite. Brother Nolts on couch, I Nolt the bed. Sometime in night (later determined to be 4am), I hear pounding on door and someone yelling my name. "Whadafuh?" I says to myself. Walk buck-ass nekked to door and open up. Bro standing there in underwear looking seriously disturbed. At same moment, hotel security guard appears from around corner, also looking seriously disturbed at sight of two guys, one naked and one in briefs, bobbing and weaving in doorway. Bro slips by me and disappears into darkness of suite. I start answering questions about name, whether its my room, who other guy is, etc. It dawns on me that I'm naked, and I instinctively slip behind door and just stick head out. It also dawns on me that Security dude is thinking "What a pair of flaming Howe Academy grads. They don't pay me enough to do this shit." I start to blab some kind "hey, its really not what it looks like," but Security man sticks a hand up and tells me "No more noise and I don't want to see either of you in the hall again tonight." Uhhh, yes sir. Thank you. There will be no more disturbances. Thank you.

Turns out bro wakes up to take a piss, thinks he's in his apartment, walks out door to suite and is locked out. According to his version, he banged the hell out of door for up to 20 minutes, then reached pain threshhold and began starting to look around hallway for place to piss. Security must have seen this bizarre behavior on camera, because he said the Security guy came storming out of elevator soon afterward, making a beeline straight for him. Luckily for him, I opened door moments later.

10-25-02 01:58 PM
stonedinaustralia sir moonie

you know as well as i... that is just par for the course for serious nolteists

i'm sure you have many a dark tale that would leave that one deep in the shade


10-25-02 03:00 PM
nankerphelge One nite me and about 10 guys are in one of the fraternity bedroom drinkin a keg o' Bud. I'm sitting on the back of a chair with my feet on the seat of the chair -- you know, exactly what you tell your kid never to do! Anyhow, I'm all fucked up and I tip my head way back to take a swig and all of a sudden there is a huge crash, all the lights go out.

Turns out, as I tipped my head back, the whole chair went over (except i didn't realize it) -- until my big ol' mellon head busted through the sheet rock wall about 3 feet up from the floor. Then, as the chair flew out from under me, my head/neck cut a big long gash in the wall all the way down to the floor. Nearly knocked me out. When I finally opened my eyes, I was flat on the floor with my head still stuck in the wall! All I could see we a whole lotta dark as my buddies laughed like hell!
10-25-02 03:07 PM
steel driving hammer I remember drinking a whole bottle of Robitussin DM.

My friends said make sure it says DM, how we think alike...

Folks, this tour is kicking some Sgt. Pepper Major Ass!
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