| 16th October 2006 11:06 AM |
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| jostorm |
talking about MALICE....
I went to see the Raconteurs last night at the Manchester Apollo(escort to my 13 years old daughter and her best friend), they were very, very good live, and so was the opening band whose name I've already forgotten (senior moment) but were from Oslo (Norway), and seriously rocked the place. Their last song was an excellent version of "Shaking all over", and, as the age average in the hall was about 18, I must have been the only old fart who knew which band wrote the original, oh well, time may wait for no one, but we sure learn a lot of useless shit while we age, as I always say...
As we all have experienced, standing FOS is a bit taxing on the nerves when you are "older" and have become progressively claustrophobic over the years, and all those young people start pushing...
There was this very pretty young girl with beautiful blonde corkscrew locks, who unfortunately (for her) stood in front of me and kept bumping backwards into me.It was unpleasant, and occasionally hurt. I used up my patience way past its point of natural elasticity, and eventually asked very politely "could you please stop pushing into me?". She and her boyfriend started mocking , and she then quite obviously proceeded to , now deliberately, push into me. The lose words "bitch","was","real", "a", "she" and "hell" come to mind , please rearrange accordingly..... I don't really know exactly what got into me, but I suddenly got so incredibly pissed off, that I spent the next half an hour calmly emptying the chewing gum packet in my pocket, chewing away furiously until said gum pieces lost all their taste and got to their maximum of stickiness, and then deliberately and studiously wedged them high up in her hair, a bit like those bead-weavings you can get at the beach, but way stickier....AND I danced at the same time !
I won't even try to excuse my behaviour by using the moon phase, the lows in the stock exchange or that time of the month, it was one of those moments of pure undiluted badness!!! Not very kind at all....(but with an immense degree of immediate satisfaction). And no, the kids didn't see it either, for what sort of a role model do you take me???
As I am not religious in any way, I have decided to confess it all to you, my internet high-priests and priestesses. What is your expert opinion?
Should I pray 10 Hail Marys and 20 Our Fathers? Seek psychiatric treatment? Give money to the poor? Quit buying chewing gum? Buy it in bulk from now on? Start a new trend, by which you photograph your oponents hair and post the picture on the net, and whoever manages to wedge the highest amount of gums wins?????
Please advise!
PS: if you are reading this,then hell, no, I'm not sorry at all, but the best way to remove it from your hair, is applying two icecubes to the gum wads for about 30 seconds, or until they become hard and brittle, and then carefully break pieces off. Or, you could alternatively stick your head in the freezer...
PPS: and not even RSUSA could make this one up, you gotta grant me at least this much...
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| 16th October 2006 11:24 AM |
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| Gazza |
LMAO....brilliant
One question - did you discreetly place the chewing gum in her hair by hand or apply it "punk" style...? |
| 16th October 2006 11:26 AM |
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| mojoman |
the raconteurs are opening up for dylan at the spectrum. this is an opening bnad that i really look forward to. |
| 16th October 2006 11:28 AM |
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| jostorm |
no, not some crap conveyor-belt-made-in-China-production, the real thing, placed in by loving hands and squeezed tight, it would deserve the tag "hand made"...
PS: just watch I'm not chewing any gum at Lucinda's gig  |
| 16th October 2006 11:29 AM |
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| jostorm |
they were really amazing, you're in for a treat, mojoman! |
| 16th October 2006 11:32 AM |
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| Gazza |
'Punk style' = gobbing
I'll be in the front row at that one, sweetie. You'll need an almighty strong trajectory to lob one that far.....that might be beyond even a sharp-tongued femme like yourself 
[Edited by Gazza] |
| 16th October 2006 11:37 AM |
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| jostorm |
now where did I put my old catapult ???
or perhaps we could start the brandnew trend of "sticky meeting and greeting" before the show???? |
| 16th October 2006 11:44 AM |
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| Gazza |
quote:
jostorm wrote:
or perhaps we could start the brand new trend of "sticky meeting and greeting" before the show????
I've tried something like that but I usually get a slap in the face or a kick in the balls for my trouble.... |
| 16th October 2006 11:46 AM |
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| jostorm |
I think the French ought to invent a new figure of speech a la "double entendre", especially coined for you.....
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| 16th October 2006 12:17 PM |
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| Saint Sway |
Concert behavior is at an all-time low
Poor Pug was recently assaulted by beer vendors who repeatedly rammed his kidneys with their beer trays.
where is the love? |
| 16th October 2006 12:29 PM |
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| Jumacfly |
Good job Jostorm!!
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| 16th October 2006 01:24 PM |
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| PartyDoll MEG |
Gotta hand it to you, Jo...That was very ballsy!!
And to get it past your offspring...Remarkable!!
And to actually get the wad of gum into her hair and not your own....Very, Very Talented. LMAO!! |
| 16th October 2006 02:24 PM |
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| pdog |
A great show and a brilliant way to deal with an asshole at a show. It's not about age either, I've been dealing with assholes at shows since I was 13. It's always good to keep up on a great ways to retaliate, I will keep this one close...
On a side note, I like tapping pot smokers who are at arms length from me on the shoulder and not look thier away. |
| 16th October 2006 03:42 PM |
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| jostorm |
What? not ONE person telling me off??? That can mean only one thing: Bad is the new Good!.... Thanks, everybody!
Iron Balls McGuinty: you nailed it! Concert behaviour is reaching appalling standards, and I think we simply got accustomed to it gradually over the years and simply aren't surprised anymore. You only realise how bad it is, when you suddenly experience a really different concert. During the Licks tour I managed to catch Bob Weir at the Astoria in London.
About 1200 people really listening to the music in almost reverence, I sat upstairs, had never caught any Greatful Dead concerts ever, so this total stranger gave me a quick introduction and even got up from the bench and invited me to sit in his place so I could see it better (yes, he WAS trying to get into my pants, but still..)
And from above I could see all the heads of the audience, no one moved at all to go to a toilet, no one bought beer,and I mean no one (outside the breaks that is). I couldn't bloody believe it! Everyone listening or dancing, having a good time, plenty of space to dance, even at the very front (blame Bob's shorts, if you wish!), just the most amazing concert I've ever been to, a true eye opener, really only about the music, people really polite, and smiling, just joyful to be there, and visibly glad to share the experience. I know, it sounds a bit weird, but it was an amazing experience, almost like group-meditation. You could almost think you were in church. But with cool music. And dope! Wouldn't it be nice if concerts generally were a bit more like that???
And where's the love, indeed???!!! Mind you, as long as your love for voodoopug carries on being strong, it will sustain him through even the worst vendor experiences, so just continue being his supportive rock!!! We are standing right behind you! (sans chewing gum)
[Edited by jostorm] |
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