| October 10th, 2005 10:22 AM |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
Elvis Presley is God
Posted by Michael J. West
There are so many ways to examine the life and legacy of our Lord Elvis (blessed be He) that it's hard to find a way to examine it that will prove His divine status to the masses. This is no simple or irrelevant task, either, since such a vast majority of the world's people endorse this historio-mythical person or that as their Messiah, their Avatar, their Messenger, their God's-Manifestation-As-Human.
As far as I'm concerned, one listen to any single gospel song as recorded by Him should be enough evidence. Apparently not.
But I've been reading a biography of Sun Ra, a man who was a scholar of history, religion, astrology, numerology, and etymology. And he combined the knowledge and ideas of, oh, just about every religion (mainstream and cult) in trying to find an answer. And he made it work. So in using those, I've come up with answers.
-Etymology. The name "Elvis." Well, one might examine the roots of Elvis's own religious background. Elvis and His family were Pentecostals; it's a sect that has direct ancestry in the loosely termed Evangelicals, which in turn has direct ancestry in Lutheranism. Which is a German-based ethos.
And of course, all of Christianity--indeed all Judeo-Christian-Islamic thought--is based in Israel.
El - The original Hebrew word for God. Root of "Eli" (another Hebrew word for God) and "Allah."
Vis - German word for "face."
Elvis = "Face of God."
Religious languages tell no lie. And even the most stubbornly heterosexual of men will have to admit that Elvis (blessed be He) had one beautiful face. Divinely beautiful, even.
Numerology.
Elvis (blessed be He) had 16 letters in His name. Elvis Aron Presley. (Count 'em.) That's four fours. (4 X 4 = 16) Four is the number of the Gospels; four is the number of directions; four is the number of seasons; four is the number of classical elements; four is the number of letters in the Tetragrammaton (the Holiest of names for the Hebrew God).
Elvis was born on January 8, 1935. 1/8/35.
January: the 1st month. 1 is the most powerful of all numbers in numerology, seen as the basic building block of all others and therefore the source of all things. (Like God is seen as the source of all things.)
According to Wikipedia, "One can be happy, loving, romantic, dynamic and charismatic, but on the downside it can be egotistical, selfish and melodramatic."
This is plainly a description of our Lord Elvis.
8: the eighth day of the month; the eighth day of the year (having been the eighth day of the first month). This is double fours. It is also the number of wealth, high reputation, and the virtues of hard work (like touring 225 days a year.)
35: Five (vitality and full awareness of the senses) times Seven (the most purely spiritual of all numbers).
I don't think I need to say anymore on this point.
Astrology. Elvis was a Capricorn. Jesus was a Capricorn. I don't think I'm stretching here...
Elvis (blessed be He) brought the joy and meaning to millions and million of lives all over the world, crossing the boundaries of not only religion, but culture, ethnicity, nationalism, and social status. And He had amazing hair.
Most of those other religious figures are still struggling to cross the boundaries of religion. And there's NO consistency AT ALL in the hair.
I rest my case. Praise be to Elvis!
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| October 10th, 2005 10:26 AM |
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| egon |
problem: i don't believe in god... |
| October 10th, 2005 10:30 AM |
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| gimmekeef |
Yup....Elvis has had about as much positive influence on mankind as any other god so why not!...But it has to be the fat white bell bottomed late 70's Elvis |
| October 10th, 2005 10:40 AM |
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| blackandblue |
And I am the Holy Spirit |
| October 10th, 2005 12:07 PM |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
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| October 10th, 2005 12:51 PM |
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| Happy Motherfucker!! |
Well I knew that all along! It's surprising that you just figured it out! |
| October 10th, 2005 02:17 PM |
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| James Burton |
If Elvis is God, then maybe he could intervene and rid the world of those shitty imitators that do nothing more than piss me off and piss on his memory. |
| October 10th, 2005 02:29 PM |
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| zenarcher |
no god mmm well maybe i don't think |
| October 10th, 2005 04:45 PM |
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| Surround Sister |
If he only had recorded one song, and if that one song was Suspiscious Minds, he would still be the King. |
| October 10th, 2005 08:45 PM |
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| winter |
Great, god died on the shitter.
Thanks for the enlightenment,
wintah |
| October 10th, 2005 09:09 PM |
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| Gazza |
He was only trying to flush away all the badness in the world, Wintah!
Gives a new meaning to "Taking care of Business", I suppose..
[Edited by Gazza] |
| October 10th, 2005 10:03 PM |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
Jesus vs. Elvis
(http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor/jesus_vs_elvis.html)
The similarities between Jesus Christ and Elvis Presley are almost uncanny. Just check the following parallels for yourself!
Jesus said "Love thy neighbor." Elvis said "Don't be cruel."
Jesus is the Lord's shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
Jesus was part of the Trinity. Elvis' first band was a trio.
Jesus walked on water. Elvis surfed (Blue Hawaii, 1965).
Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had the famous 1968 "Comeback" TV special and many posthumous mall sightings.
Jesus said "If a man thirst, let him come to me, and drink." (John 7:37). Elvis said "Drinks on me" (Jail House Rock, 1957).
Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights. Elvis also had irregular eating habits (eg, 5 banana split breakfast).
Jesus is a Capricorn (Dec 25). Elvis is a Capricorn (Jan8).
Matthew was a biographer of Jesus. Neil Matthews was a biographer of Elvis (A Golden Tribute).
"Jesus countenance...like lightning...raiment snow white." (Matthew 28:3) Elvis wore snow white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
Jesus lived in a state of grace in a near-eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.
Jesus' mother Mary had an immaculate conception. Elvis' wife Priscilla went to Immaculate Conception H.S.
People called Jesus a "...glutton and a drunk." (Luke 7:34) People called Elvis "...an overweight druggie...".
Jesus died for us. Young girls would 'die for' Elvis.
Jesus was born in humble surroundings. Elvis was born in Mississippi.
Even today Jesus has a cult following. Even today Elvis has a cult following.
Jesus was called "King of Israel.." (John 12:13) Elvis was called "King of Rock n' Roll".
Was Elvis the 20th-century re-incarnation of Jesus? Hey, decide for yourself.....
Consult A.J. Jacobs's The Two Kings (1994. New York: Bantam) for an extensive list of similarities between Elvis and Jesus. It is unknown whether any of the above similarities were ultimately derived from Jacobs's book.
[Edited by Ten Thousand Motels] |
| October 11th, 2005 01:03 PM |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
If Elvis was God what does that make Scotty? |
| October 11th, 2005 01:07 PM |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
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| October 11th, 2005 01:12 PM |
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| the good |
quote:
winter wrote:
Great, god died on the shitter.
Thanks for the enlightenment,
wintah
LOL |
| October 11th, 2005 01:22 PM |
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| zenarcher |
LOL |
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