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Topic: "We don't plan to ever stop touring," says (Jagger/Richards/Wood). "And you can print Return to archive
September 1st, 2005 06:49 PM
moy Can it be true? Could the Rolling Stones really be touring again? You better believe it! Of course, the best part about a new Stones concert tour isn't the actual music but rather watching newspapers break out The Rolling Stones Are Touring Again Article Template.


As handy to a newsroom as The Associated Press Stylebook, this template requires a journalist to plug in only a few words, make a few simple choices, and, presto, he or she has a ready-for-publication Rolling Stones news story:

The Rolling Stones Are Touring Again Article Template

Headline:

It's Only Rock 'n' Roll, but Rolling Stones Still Like It. (Alternate headlines: Time to Go Back to Stones Age or Rolling Stones Find Satisfaction on Road.)

Article:

Not yet ready to gather any moss, the Rolling Stones are back on the road, bringing the first of three area shows to (venue's official corporate-sponsored name, which no one actually calls it) tonight.

While you can count on Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and co. to play such classic hits as (the names of three Stones songs from any album pre-1975 with the exception of the psychedelic "Their Satanic Majesties Request"), don't expect merely a trip down memory lane.

"As a band, we're playing together better than we ever have," says (Jagger, in newspapers with circulations of 150,000 or greater; Richards, in newspapers with circulations of 20,000 to 150,000; or guitarist Ronnie Wood, in supermarket shoppers). "And we're really proud of (title of new album/greatest-hits package with one new song), so while we know people like to hear the old ones, we hope they also dig the new stuff."

(Title of new album) features the Stones making a much-welcome return to what they do best - down-and-dirty blues-tinged rock - and it's being hailed by (many/some/at least one) critic(s) as their best work in decades. The band is quick to attribute the album's success to the currently (friendly/bitter) relationship between Richards and Jagger.

"We're at our best when Keith and Mick (are/aren't) getting along," says Wood, who adds, "As songwriters, they seem to be at their most creative when there's (harmony/tension). Go figure!"

But the Stones, who also include drummer Charlie Watts, know it's ultimately about the live show. While sales for the new CD have so far been (disappointing/abysmal/less than that of the new Baja Men album "Who Let the Dogs Out . . . Again?"), the tour has already grossed (number of dollars, in billions). All three (town where newspaper is)-area shows are nearly sold out, with only obstructed-view seats remaining for (number of dollars, in hundreds).

(Optional sentence if journalist wants to convey to readers his vast knowledge of the band members The Stones' success at the box office can be attributed in part to the marketing savvy of Jagger, who before the band got its start, attended the prestigious London School of Economics.

And unlike other "oldies" acts, the Stones have managed to remain relevant and in the news - at least in the gossip pages. Jagger is now dating (name of model), after having a (son/daughter) with (name of another model). The svelte Jagger, (age), also can still prance around the stage like few rockers his age, thanks to a daily workout regime that, he says, includes (number that's 50 more than he claimed last tour) sit-ups.

As always, Richards, (age), is Jagger's complete opposite. "The only exercise Keith does is lifting the bottle to the mouth," says Wood, laughing uncontrollably.

It's this dichotomy that's been at the heart of the band for (number of decades). Through the years, the Stones may have seen its members (choose three: quit over artistic differences, get into trouble with drugs, drown, marry the teenage daughter of the woman engaged to their son), but the one constant has always been Mick and Keith (or Keith and Mick, if journalist wants to subtly indicate he thinks Richards is the real talent in the band).

And when the band hits the stage tonight, there, front and center, will be the Glimmer Twins - Jagger gyrating (dipsy-doodling, for newspapers in the Bible Belt), Keith, laid-back, with an omnipresent cigarette dangling from his lips, and strumming away.

"We don't plan to ever stop touring," says (Jagger/Richards/Wood). "And you can print that."

Mark Bazer can be reached at [email protected]
September 1st, 2005 07:01 PM
Saint Sway
quote:
moy wrote:

"We don't plan to ever stop touring," says (Jagger/Richards/Wood). "And you can print that."




thats awesome!

did he say if he had any plans to play Slave, Salt Of The Earth, Soul Survivor or Dancing With Mr D at any point along the way in their endless touring?
September 1st, 2005 07:24 PM
lotsajizz Dancing With Mr D should NEVER see the light of day--or of onstage lights at night
September 1st, 2005 10:23 PM
Soldatti What a boring article, why all the ( ) in the middle?
September 2nd, 2005 12:02 AM
ChrisEditor Uh, it's satire. And think it's nicely done.
September 2nd, 2005 02:31 AM
Poplar
quote:
ChrisEditor wrote:
Uh, it's satire. And think it's nicely done.



yup
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