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Topic: Van Humiliation. Part 114 Return to archive Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
21st May 2007 05:43 PM
Some Guy
quote:
Saint Sway wrote:
.....from Ian Billen?


..... entirely above the rim.
22nd May 2007 12:40 PM
Saint Sway Eddie or Homeless?

22nd May 2007 05:21 PM
Some Guy
quote:
Saint Sway wrote:
Eddie or Homeless?




Ian Billen?
22nd May 2007 05:34 PM
Saint Sway

DAVID LEE ROTH TO REPLACE WILLIAM SHATNER AS PRICELINE SPOKESMAN
- Los Angeles, CA

Tuesday May 22, 2007 - 01:41 PM, EST

Priceline.com has announced that it is replacing its longtime spokesman, William Shatner, with former Van Halen frontman, David Lee Roth. Shatner's contract expired with Priceline at the end of last month, while Roth is coming off the heals of the cancelled Van Halen reunion tour. Priceline chairman, Walt Dough, said that Roth is "a natural" to replace the wildly popular Shatner in the companies successful TV ads. Roth added "Now that I'm in charge, its gonna go something like this: In America, we believe big time in publicizing the shit out of 'we ain't talkin'.' First we make goddamn sure that everybody knows we ain't saying anything. Then we get two jets for each syllable, Price - Line, and ya gotta line 'em up so that it spells out. We reconnoiter a super studio somewhere tropical, salt water, solar power, fly the entire mad dog and Englishman retinue, wives, girlfriends, household pets, favorite paintings, don't pack light. Bring the palm trees, and we'll go get someplace with a vaguely French name like 'mosquito.' We'll spend three months down there, 90 days metric, putting together an entire advertising campaign by loading all of this 80 to a 120 person entourage onto between four and seven great, grandiose tall masted sailboats, and touring adjacent islands and offering last second deals at thatched roof, propeller in the ceiling bars on Friday and Saturday nights. I would hire the Coen Brothers and Sonnenfeld as our cinematographer to make a documentary with a twist. Build a sub-plot or four or five. Dinners on Friday nights will be replete and complete with 40-plus guests, doesn't include the 120 original members-Quentin Tarantino, Heidi Fleiss...now I'm just going off the top of my head here, this is just the first 38 seconds of recon here. Then it becomes suddenly evident that we must expand. Well, that means we have hotel and flight deals in Paris, London, NY, Miami and LA. Just to get the flavor, because you play like what you ate for dinner. And then we run Priceline through its paces in the Pacific Rim and South America. And we leak, dribble, ooze and supply the internet with all the most colorful, rumor-mongering, gossip, detailed, tabloidal...'they were chasing him and nine paparazzi were killed in a tunnel.'


quote:
Some Guy's gonna write:
""











[Edited by Saint Sway]
23rd May 2007 05:23 PM
Some Guy archaic reference lost on younger posters has sadly become an archaic reference lost on younger posters.
23rd May 2007 05:33 PM
Saint Sway
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
archaic reference lost on younger posters has sadly become an archaic reference lost on younger posters.



so, what you're saying, in other words, is the fat kid doesnt get it?

23rd May 2007 05:36 PM
Some Guy 2008 is gonna be a big summer,t.


[Edited by Some Guy]
23rd May 2007 05:40 PM
Saint Sway
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
2008 is gonna be a big summer,t.



things have gotten so bad that they're trying to save money by holding out another year until Wolfie is old enough to pitch in taking turns driving the van...

"Van Humiliation"

[Edited by Saint Sway]
23rd May 2007 05:41 PM
Some Guy
quote:
Saint Sway wrote:


things have gotten so bad that they're trying to save money by holding out another year until Wolfie is old enough to pitch in taking turns driving the van...

"Van Humiliation"


check and mate...
23rd May 2007 05:54 PM
Saint Sway Joey??



Van Halen's 'Jump' Played During Suicide Negotiations

5:00 PM, Yahoo! Music
Craig Rosen

(2/5/07, 5 p.m. ET) - A Van Halen fan in Omaha, Nebraska, displayed a twisted sense of humor on Friday (February 2) by playing part of the song "Jump" over police radios while officers were trying to talk a man out of committing suicide.

Someone piped some 30 seconds of "Jump" over a police-radio frequency at the same time local authorities were persuading the man not to do so. Omaha police, who say the unnamed man could not have heard the song during the standoff, are conducting an investigation into the incident. Possible punishments for the radio intrusion range from termination, if it was a civil employee with access to a radio, to criminal charges, if a citizen broke into the police frequency.

The man who had threatened to jump was wanted on a domestic violence warrant, and he surrendered after several hours. An Omaha police department spokesperson did not return calls for comment.

-- Bruce Simon, New York
24th May 2007 05:37 PM
Saint Sway SG,

heres an excerpt from an industry email letter from Pete Angelus (Pete manages the Crowes and used to manage VH). Anyway... theres some really interesting tales in the email but this one was priceless... the "midget security guards" give it away as to who he's talking about... Bow Zee Bow Zee Bop...


4) Unusual Hotel Moments.

(Example: While resting comfortably in my hotel room in Denver after a show in the mid eighties, I thought I heard a very unusual sound echoing in the hallway. Knowing that the entire floor of the hotel had been reserved for my band and crew, I was very concerned about the uniqueness of this particular sound.

I quickly threw on a towel and opened my door. At first, all seemed relatively normal as the hallway was festooned with our hired midgets wearing security shirts and a nude woman running wildly in all directions. Initially, I thought all the nude running was just part of the normal evening's affairs, until I noticed an unusually large man wearing a hunting vest carrying a chainsaw with smoke wafting from its muffler. Chainsaw in the woods...not so unusual...chainsaw in the hallway of a five star hotel at

2 AM...not so good. I also noticed he seemed very focused, which was different than what I expected from dealing with other run of the mill psychotics. Did you know that some fathers will do anything within their power to chainsaw down a lead singer's hotel room door if their young daughter happens to be inside the room? While wearing nothing but a towel, I attempted to have a reasonable conversation with him as he cut into the door but those fucking chain saws are so loud. As it turned out, apparently the singer wasn't fond of chainsaws either because he chose to leap out his second floor window.)
24th May 2007 07:29 PM
Some Guy Sway, as always thanks for keepin it real.
30th May 2007 05:37 PM
Saint Sway AND I QUOTE: "this is very, very sad."....



Music Review
DAVID LEE ROTH TAKES THE STAGE (AND DOESN'T WANT TO GIVE IT BACK)


By SIA MICHEL

About an hour and a half into David Lee Roth’s performance at the Nokia Theater in Times Square on Thursday, a young woman tapped this reviewer on the shoulder. “If you’re a journalist,” she said, “will you please write this down? ‘This is very, very sad.’ ”

Mr. Roth had just referred to himself in the third person: “Diamond Dave, he’s just a white boy lost in the blues.” He was dressed like a 1930’s gangster, with a white fedora atop his short, feathered hair. He launched into an endless spoken-word riff, praising his band for “looking cool and smooth/like the other side of her pillow/three Budweisers too many.” To be more accurate, the moment was very, very, very sad.

If the show had ended at the hour mark, after a high-wattage string of hard-rock classics from the repertory of Van Halen, Mr. Roth’s former band, that shoulder tap might never have come. Mr. Roth, with his grandiose baritone, karate kicks and snake-oil salesman’s grin, was one of the most charismatic rock stars of the 1970’s and 80’s. But he has never grasped the primary rule of showbiz: Always leave them wanting more. And his odd, vaudevillian humor is only funny in small doses, as in a three-minute music video.

In retrospect, hiring him as a morning radio host seems like a cruel prank. Mr. Roth had been enjoying an admirably eccentric life as a semi-retired rock legend. Based part time in Manhattan, he was flying helicopters, saving lives as a licensed E.M.T., and chilling with hipsters near his Lower East Side pad. Then CBS Radio anointed him as Howard Stern’s replacement in major markets, including New York City.

Succeeding the satellite-radio-bound Mr. Stern in January was a thankless task for anyone, and Mr. Roth was far too inexperienced for the gig. He was fired after a few awkward months.

Now, like Star Jones Reynolds, he is looking for redemption. At the outset Thursday’s show seemed quite promising. The hall was respectably full, but with enough room for men to form football huddles and chant: “Van Halen! Van Halen!” As Mr. Roth took the stage during the galloping intro to “Hot for Teacher,” you could almost hear a collective sigh of relief. This 51-year-old looked trim in his skintight black vinyl pants, still able to kick so high that his shinbone smacked his forehead. “Thursday — it’s the third day of the weekend,” he cockily announced. Humbled? Not he.

But he seemed determined to prove himself worthy of any post-flameout loyalty. He spun around in circles, swilled from a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and ran offstage for multiple costume changes, as if he were playing the Las Vegas strip. Mr. Roth was so manically energetic that he occasionally sang a half-step too fast, but his band ably aped the album versions of “You Really Got Me” and “Running With the Devil.” Fans audibly gasped when “And the Cradle Will Rock” kicked in, lavishing Mr. Roth with Devil-sign praise. He beamed with delight, and the world suddenly felt like a warm, forgiving place.

Then something terrible happened.

The show kept going.

As the camp factor skyrocketed during the second hour, the crowd’s affection began to sour. When Mr. Roth soft-shoed during “Just a Gigolo/I Ain’t Got Nobody,” a heckler shouted, “Go back to Atlantic City!” When he told a rambling story about the naming of “Dance the Night Away” (something about a drunk woman “with her pants on backwards”), a group of men impatiently shouted “Van Halen!” And when he brought out a bluegrass band to play two songs from “Strummin’ With the Devil,” a countrified Van Halen tribute album, there was a mini-exodus from the main floor.

“I get up, and nothing gets me down,” Mr. Roth sang during his encore, “Jump.” True, he is an inherently optimistic, likable man. Now if he could only learn how to leave a party early.
30th May 2007 06:06 PM
Some Guy Dave is pacing hisself for a big summer, tater.
30th May 2007 06:11 PM
Saint Sway
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
Dave is pacing hisself for a big summer, tater.



sadly, people in the audience were actually praying he'd "run out of gas"


"Then something terrible happened.
The show kept going."
30th May 2007 06:14 PM
Some Guy no comprende'
30th May 2007 06:19 PM
Saint Sway archaic billboard lost on younger posters?

30th May 2007 06:21 PM
Some Guy
quote:
Saint Sway wrote:
archaic billboard lost on younger posters?




best post ever.
30th May 2007 06:24 PM
Saint Sway DLR Rado RIP
4/10/06 - 4/21/06

it lasted 10 days longer than the reunion!
31st May 2007 12:22 AM
BILL PERKS Y'ALL WILL RUE THE DAY
31st May 2007 02:23 PM
Saint Sway
quote:
BILL PERKS wrote:
Y'ALL WILL RUE THE DAY



Michael Anthony's famous last words??






Perks?
31st May 2007 05:50 PM
Some Guy Here is the latest of what I can report to you.

Preparations for recording a brand new album are underway, choosing a producer and other details have yet to be finalized.

Bass player issue getting closer to being resolved.

Ed's new gear to be released very soon in America, band or just Eddie may play at a major event fairly soon. But no tour expected in 2007, just album recording. 2008 is a very safe bet.

Ed feels great and looks great, I haven't seen him like this in atleast 10 or more years.

Dave still in plans and is laying low writing.

-Roth Army
31st May 2007 05:52 PM
Some Guy Those were the golden years. The struggle. When all else was put to the side. When I was in classic Van Halen, I was in charge of propaganda. Beautiful thing, all the photos, the rumors, the stage shows, the T-shirts, and on and on. I believe it all adds up to your message, especially if your message is, as mine so frequently is, 'I have no message.' What we got with the last greatest hits from Van Halen, who had a series of other agendas, was a black and white album cover picture of a piece of a guitar. Half of it was some other singer. No video. Had I been in charge, it would have gone something like this: In America, we believe big time in publicizing the shit out of 'we ain't talkin'.' First we make goddamn sure that everybody knows we ain't saying anything. Then we get three jets for each syllable, Van-Ha-Len, and ya gotta line 'em up so that it spells out. We reconnoiter a super studio somewhere tropical, salt water, solar power, fly the entire mad dog and Englishman retinue, wives, girlfriends, household pets, favorite paintings, don't pack light. Bring the palm trees, and we'll go get someplace with a vaguely French name like 'mosquito.' We'll spend three months down there, 90 days metric, putting together an entire album and rehearsing said material plus all the classic VH stuff by loading all of this 80 to a 120 person entourage onto between four and seven great, grandiose tall masted sailboats, and touring adjacent islands and playing at thatched roof, propeller in the ceiling bars on Friday and Saturday nights. I would hire the Coen Brothers and Sonnenfeld as our cinematographer to make a documentary with a twist. Build a sub-plot or four or five. Dinners on Friday nights will be replete and complete with 40-plus guests, doesn't include the 120 original members-Quentin Tarantino, Heidi Fleiss...now I'm just going off the top of my head here, this is just the first 38 seconds of recon here. Then it becomes suddenly evident that we must tour. Well, that means we have to rehearse in Paris, London, NY, Miami and LA. Just to get the flavor, because you play like what you ate for dinner. And then we run the band through its paces in the Pacific Rim and South America. And we leak, dribble, ooze and supply the internet with all the most colorful, rumor-mongering, gossip, detailed, tabloidal...'they were chasing him and nine paparazzi were killed in a tunnel.'

-DDLR
31st May 2007 05:57 PM
Saint Sway
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
Bass player issue getting closer to being resolved.



inside sources report the fat kid cant come out to play until he finishes all his chores and homework
31st May 2007 06:03 PM
Some Guy Sway ?!



31st May 2007 06:06 PM
Some Guy archaic poster lost on younger references?


1st June 2007 10:54 AM
Saint Sway theres gonna be a huge press conference today, Tater

1st June 2007 04:45 PM
Saint Sway PHOTOS FROM TODAYS PRESS CONFERENCE

Associated Press - June 1, 2007 - Los Angeles, CA

Van Halen Announces 'Reunion' Tour

(from L to R): Van Halen's Michael Anthony and Gary Cherone introduce the two newest members of Van Halen - Ludvig Van Halen and Cuervo Hagar


photos courtesy of Gypsy




[Edited by Saint Sway]
1st June 2007 05:06 PM
Some Guy Tater?!


http://www.vhnd.com/articles/070525-01.shtml


I'd give the odds at about 75-25 in favor of the return of M.A. and they get better each day.
Several weeks ago I would have had them at about 25-75, but things are changing.

- Roth Army.
[Edited by Some Guy]
1st June 2007 05:36 PM
Saint Sway PHOTOS FROM TODAYS PRESS CONFERENCE

Associated Press - June 1, 2007 - Los Angeles, CA

Van Halen Announces 'Reunion' Tour

Eddie Van Halen, with help from his press agent/girlfriend, read the following announcement at todays press conference:
"I dove.. I dug... I do neh rhone... I don't... I duh ruh... I duh ran..."

"Um, Eddie, honey, that reads: 'I done run out of gas'"



photos courtesy of Gypsy





[Edited by Saint Sway]
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