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| hotlicks |
A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.
While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother." So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father."
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says:
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and
The father turns to his son and says;
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says,
"Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you German Bastards"
[Edited by hotlicks]
[Edited by hotlicks] |
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| hotlicks |
Picture the scene…
It is just before England v Brazil at the World Cup
Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered".
Ronaldinho looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on".
They put the teletext on....
"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 ( Terry 89 minutes)".
They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England !!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes" |
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| Angiegirl |
Lol! |
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| monkey_man |
quote:
hotlicks wrote:
Picture the scene…
It is just before England v Brazil at the World Cup
Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered".
Ronaldinho looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on".
They put the teletext on....
"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 ( Terry 89 minutes)".
They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England !!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"
Too Fucking Funny!!!! |
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| glencar |
World Cup joke: USA Team! |
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| VoodooChileInWOnderl |
quote:
glencar wrote:
World Cup joke: USA Team!
LOL That's quite a joke, great it was someone from the USA who made the joke, otherwise it would be offensive |
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| egon |
Ce soir à 21h00 TOGO - France
Ce soir à 23h00 GOTO - France
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| Some Guy |
I don't get it. |
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| Gazza |
With Michael Owen out injured and Wayne Rooney only half fit, England's coach Sven-Goran Erikkson has been forced to field his only two remaining forwards in Sunday's game against Ecuador - Peter Crouch and the 17-year old untried rookie Theo Walcott.
Eriksson however isnt that confident of Walcott's ability to compete at this level for a full 90 minutes, so before the game he takes the kid to one side to explain the logic behind his tactics for the vital game :
Sven : "Theo - we're a bit concerned that you're still not quite ready for a game like this, and obviously we want to give Wayne a chance to see what he can do later on - so we're going to let you start the game and then I'll bring you off at half time.."
Theo : "Wow - thats very kind of you, boss - when I'm playing for Arsenal, all the manager gives me is a cup of tea and a sandwich.."
[Edited by Gazza] |
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| egon |
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
I don't get it.
france has not been playing well so far.
so after they loose against TOGO, they GOTO france.
but they won... |
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| Some Guy |
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that the there is a spare seat in between himself and the next guy.
"Who would ever miss the World Cup final?" Asks the man.
"That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away." Explains the guy.
"That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend or someone else to come with you?" Asks the man.
"No.....They are all at the funeral!" |
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| hotlicks |
“Have you heard this? Reportedly 40,000 prostitutes — 40,000! — are in Germany because of the World Cup of soccer. Yeah! Apparently the prostitutes are the only chance the U.S. team has to score.” |
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| stonedinaustralia |
quote:
glencar wrote:
World Cup joke: USA Team!
i'd add the USA's coach Arena's pre-tournament comments that Australia was only there "to make up the numbers"
especially in light of the USA's early exit!!
[Edited by stonedinaustralia] |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
quote:
glencar wrote:
World Cup joke: USA Team!
What he said.
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| SweetVirginia |
In family court in Manhattan last week a heated custody battle over an 8-year-old boy led to accusations of physical abuse by both the mother and the father.
Unable to decide which parent was the more fit, the judge met in his chambers with the boy in question.
“The testimony has stated that your mother beats you and your father beats you. Who would you rather live with from now on, son?”, he asked.
“The USA World Cup team, sir” the boy replied, “because they don’t beat anybody.”
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| Zack |
Jokes aside, does the England team represent the whole UK? Are there Scottish, Welsh, and Nothern Irish sides as well?
(I'll never forget the reaction of my Welsh work colleague a few years back when I inadvertently referred to him as an "Englishman." I learned some new vernacular that day.) |
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| corgi37 |
Yes, SIA - Yanks always open their traps too early.
Case in point?
"Mission accomplished" - George W. Bush. |
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| glencar |
And yet somehow the world still can't stop coming here to live. Stay home already! |
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| Gazza |
quote:
Zack wrote:
Jokes aside, does the England team represent the whole UK? Are there Scottish, Welsh, and Nothern Irish sides as well?
all 4 UK countries have national sides (in fact they are the 4 oldest football associations in the world). England is the only one of the four that qualified this time. Northern Ireland have qualified on 3 previous occasions (with two quarter final appearances), Wales only once (quarter final in 1958). Scotland have qualified for most World Cup finals since 1974, but have never progressed beyond the group stages.
England, Wales and Northern Ireland were (by chance) drawn together in the same qualifying group, along with Poland, Azerbaijan amd Austria. England and Poland qualified, although Northern Ireland surprisingly (and much to the delight of a certain webmaster) beat England 1-0 in Belfast in September. England have won every match since however, until their draw with Sweden a few days ago.
Scotland finished behind Italy and Norway in their group, although Norway were subsequently eliminated in a play off by the Czech Republic.
http://www.thefa.com/WorldCup2006/RoadToGermany/Postings/2006/03/WorldCupQualifyingEurope.htm
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| FrankiePeppers |
quote:
VoodooChileInWOnderl wrote:
LOL That's quite a joke, great it was someone from the USA who made the joke, otherwise it would be offensive
The only thing offensive was their play  |
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