|
|
| Chuck |
For those who truck in medieval concepts...pretty funny stuff. Sorry, no Stones content.
======================
Meet the Press in Hell
Imagine if you will a network news program where the host believes that his obligation as a journalist is to place evil on the same footing as good (so that evil will stop complaining about how the media always favors good). Tonight on Media Twilight Zone, we will visit just such a program.
Yes, inspired by Ann Coulter’s recent appearance on NBC News (and many similar occurrences), Scott came up with this little eschatological drama, which is submitted for your approval.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Tim Russert: Thank you for joining us. Today on our panel we’re proud to have bestselling author and Constitutional expert Ann Coulter, and author and internet sensation Michelle Malkin. Our guest in studio this morning is Jesus Christ, leader of the Heavenly Host. Joining us by satellite is his opponent, Bob Satan, Chairman of the National Republican Committee for a New World Order, and author of the bestselling guides to conservative parenting, “Fatherhood: of All Lies” and “O-Me! O-My! O-Men! Raising Antichrists That Liberals Will Hate.” He joins us from the Green Zone in Megiddo. Mr. Satan, thank you for being here.
Satan: Always a pleasure, Tim.
Russert: Mr. Satan, let’s start with you. Yesterday the New York Times reported that forces of the New World Order swept through a village, burned it to the ground, then decapitated every man, woman and child who lived there. They hung the victims by their heels until they were utterly desanguinated, then the soldiers made sausage from their blood and threw a large pancake breakfast while dogs and vultures feasted on the flesh of the innocent. This has caused some on Capitol Hill to question whether we have a clear strategy for victory. How would you respond?
Satan: Tim, this is just the Left’s way of saying, fine, let’s just cut and run. We shouldn’t even be in Armageddon, we shouldn’t even be fighting a battle to bring about the end of the world.
Russert: So you think this story is mostly partisan.
Satan: Absolutely! Look, this is war. We’re fighting an enemy that is determined to utterly destroy us and rule for a thousand years. If these allegations turn out to be true, then we may have a few bad apples in the barrel. But 99.9999% of our troops are doing a great job day after day, under incredibly difficult circumstances. And sometimes, in the stress of the moment, some of them may snap and make bloodwurst out of children. Can any of us honestly say that, given the same circumstances, we wouldn’t do the same thing?
Jesus: Yes! There are clear–
Satan: Well, look who’s casting the first stone.
Jesus: –clear rules of engagement design to prevent this kind of—
Russert: Mr. Christ, let him finish.
Satan: Look, the point is that there are lots of people who may have sincerely held beliefs about whether it’s appropriate to grind noncombatants into sausage, but I hardly think that Mr. Christ’s record entitles him to get holier than thou on the topic of children.
Jesus: That’s the most outrageous—
Russert: I’m sorry, we’ve got to take a break, but we’ll let you finish that thought when we come back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK. FADE BACK UP ON MTP STUDIO, WHERE TIM RUSSERT IS STRIPPED TO THE WAIST AND SCOURGING HIMSELF WITH A NAIL-STUDDED LEATHER PLAIT).
Russert: Thanks again for joining us on “Meet the Press.” Now, I want to get back to Jesus Christ—
Jesus: Thank you, Tim. As I was—
Russert: What do you say to those people who claim you’re a pedophile?
Jesus: What?!
Russert: I’d like to play a soundbite from—Jimmy, do we have that? I think it’s at Mark 10:14…
(JESUS ON MONITOR: “Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.”)
Russert: Are those your words?
Jesus: Yes, but—
Russert: Now there are those who say you were clearly defending the North American Man-Boy Love Association with that statement.
Satan: Tim–
Jesus: No! Look, that was taken completely out of context—
Satan: Tim, the point is, liberals like Mr. Christ and the New York Times think we shouldn’t even be in Armageddon because we’re just there to defend Israel. That is a completely anti-Semitic attitude…
Russert: Mr. Christ, what do you say to accusations that you’re opposed to fighting a battle to bring about the end of all life on Earth because you’re an Anti-Semite?
Jesus: Well, first of all, I’d like to point out that I myself am Jewish—
Ann Coulter: Yeah! Just like George Soros. Another Jew who somehow figured out a way to avoid crucifixion.
Jesus: I WAS crucified! (DISPLAYS WOUNDS IN HANDS)
Michelle Malkin: Why don’t people ask him more specific questions about the nails in his hands and feet? There are legitimate questions about whether or not they were self-inflicted wounds.
Russert: What do you mean self-inflicted? Are you suggesting Mr. Christ crucified himself on purpose?
Michelle Malkin: Did you read the book by Barabbas and the Golgotha Veterans for Truth? Some of the thieves who were actually crucified have made allegations that these were self-inflicted wounds.
Jesus: I did not NAIL MYSELF to the cross!
Michelle Malkin: These are men who were there, and they were just TIED to their crosses…
(snip)
Full: http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?p=42
[Edited by Chuck] |
|
