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Topic: You know you're Australian if ... (NSC) Return to archive
31st March 2008 10:50 PM
Daethgod You know you're Australian if ...

1. You know the meaning of the word "girt".
2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.
8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."
13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.
20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".
25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.
26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.
30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".
35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".
43. And you will immediately forward this list to other australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.
1st April 2008 05:04 AM
Ten Thousand Motels I like them Aussies....great Junior Partners in the Grand Scheme of Things.
1st April 2008 01:55 PM
Zack Maybe this should morph into an Aussie Appreciation Thread.

Here's a true story. I used to live next to the Australian Embassy compound in Cambodia, was friends with many of the officials, and swam with my kids in their pool. At one point my 2-year-old daughter walks over to the deep end and just jumps in, straight down to the bottom. In a panic, I leap into the water and pull her out.

An old guy sitting next shook his head and said to me "When my kids did that, I let 'em stay down there a minute or so before I went and got 'em. That taught 'em."
"An entire minute?" I said, eyes wide.
"No worries, mate," he said. "They were fine. And they never did it again."

[Edited by Zack]
2nd April 2008 07:01 AM
corgi37 I'm not overtly patriotic. I find it the last refuge of a scoundrel.

But we do, indeed, fucking rock!

And i love Kevin Rudd!
2nd April 2008 09:53 PM
robpop Thu 7 Feb 2008
Itís not a skill, itís an attitude.
Party, Oakdale:

Underage Drinker #1: Itís a skill
Underage Drinker #2: What?
Underage Drinker #1: Drunk driving is a skill.

ó Overheard by stillwrinkling
3rd April 2008 06:25 AM
corgi37 wrote:
I'm not overtly patriotic. I find it the last refuge of a scoundrel.

But we do, indeed, fucking rock!

And i love Kevin Rudd!

Hey Corgie,

you ausies are the coolest guys and hang the fanciest things down under - could you hang a koala too, just for the sake of more australian authencity, so to speak
3rd April 2008 09:14 AM
Ten Thousand Motels
Daethgod wrote:
You know you're Australian if ...

Pretty funny.
But it really doesn't tell me much about Aussie chicks.

3rd April 2008 10:02 AM
Ten Thousand Motels
Zack wrote:
Maybe this should morph into an Aussie Appreciation Thread.

Consider it morphed.

3rd April 2008 10:15 AM
Ten Thousand Motels
3rd April 2008 10:49 AM
Ten Thousand Motels Q. Why can't Aussies tell the right time?
A. Because Aussie clocks run ass backwards.

3rd April 2008 07:08 PM
Zack Australian politician proposes toad hunt

Wed Apr 2, 7:45 AM ET

BRISBANE, Australia - An Australian politician on Wednesday proposed designating a special day for residents to hunt and kill what he called one of the world's most disgusting creatures: the poisonous cane toad.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has said it backs the plan by Queensland state lawmaker Shane Knuth to launch "Toad Day Out," but only if the creatures are killed in a humane way, such as euthanizing them in a freezer.

"Obviously we're not idiots. We understand a lot people will be highly reluctant to fill their fridges and freezers with dying cane toads, but at the moment that is the only humane way that we can recommend," said Michael Beatty, the society's spokesman.

The toads were imported from South America to Australia's northeastern state of Queensland in 1935 in a failed attempt to control beetles on sugar cane plantations. They now threaten many local species.

Knuth said he wanted "a special day that Queenslanders, especially children, could all play their part."

"The toad is probably the greatest environmental vermin and probably the most disgusting creature known to man," he said.

Knuth has long campaigned against the pests. Last year he suggested a bounty of 36 cents per toad.

Queensland's Department of Primary Industries said it was important that native frogs are not mistaken for toads during any hunt.

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