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| Joey |
quote:
Fiji Joe wrote:
Like I said...the Roger Daltrey of posting...why must you refuse to acknowledge your irrelevance?
Come On Fij ..........................
I have been tossing you softballs right down the plate all morning long and you mean to tell me that is the best you GOT ?!?!?! Hell , my " Shits " put up a better fight than THIS !!!!!!!!!
Please ..............SOMEBODY !!!! ...cut him so he can see... " CUT HIM MICKEY !!!!!! " ...... " Ya Gotta ' Cut Him !!! '
JACKY !!!!!!
Jacky ! ...... Jacky ! ...... Jacky !
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| Joey |
quote:
gypsy wrote:
Howe is my Joey this morning? Are we still on for Saturday night?
Hello My Stonesian Princess .....................
Yes , we are DEFINITELY ON for this Friday & Saturday Evening ...... Two tickets to Paul Westerberg at the " Gramd Emporium " for Friday Night and a bottle of " Murrieta's Well Cabernet Sauvignon '99 Grand Reserve " waiting for us at ' Ruth's Chris ' Saturday on the Plaza .
http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/764571/
Developing .....................................
" Oh , we are talking ' All Fours ' alright Ronnie -- It is a Westerberg Thang ! "
D. J. Jazzy Joe and the Fresh Prince of Boca Raton ! ™
...................................................
[ Edited by Timothy Robbins ]
[Edited by Joey] |
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| Some Guy |
C'mon Joey. We need a hit post as bad as we want a hit Stones album! Dig deep, bitch. |
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| gypsy |
quote:
Joey wrote:
Hello My Stonesian Princess .....................
Yes , we are DEFINITELY ON for this Friday & Saturday Evening ...... Two tickets to Paul Westerberg at the " Gramd Emporium " for Friday Night and a bottle of " Murrieta's Well Cabernet Sauvignon '99 Grand Reserve " waiting for us at ' Ruth's Chris ' Saturday on the Plaza .
http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/764571/
Developing .....................................
" Oh , we are talking ' All Fours ' alright Ronnie -- It is a Westerberg Thang ! "
D. J. Jazzy Joe and the Fresh Prince of Boca Raton ! ™
...................................................
[ Edited by Timothy Robbins ]
[Edited by Joey]
You definitely know howe to make your little Queen Bee happy!
[Edited by Sean Penn]
[Edited by gypsy] |
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| Joey |
My Princess ...........................
You ARE and always WILL BE my Queen Bee .
Enjoy :
http://www.brandyledford.com/photo_baywatch2.htm
...............................................
[ Edited by Timothy Robbins ]
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| gypsy |
quote:
Joey wrote:
My Princess ...........................
You ARE and always WILL BE my Queen Bee .
Enjoy :
http://www.brandyledford.com/photo_baywatch2.htm
...............................................
[ Edited by Timothy Robbins ]
You will always be the best thing on RO. You're the reason I keep coming back.
[ Edited by Sean Penn ] |
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| Joey |
quote:
gypsy wrote:
You will always be the best thing on RO. You're the reason I keep coming back.
[ Edited by Sean Penn ]
My Princess ( QUEEN BEE ) , tonight ! :
Come to Joey ...........................
Joeykins ! ™
[ Edited By Tim Robbins ] |
|
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| Fiji Joe |
quote:
Some Guy wrote:
C'mon Joey. We need a hit post as bad as we want a hit Stones album! Dig deep, bitch.
A hit post?...from that flash in the pan?...Are you kidding?...Joey has become the Debbie Gibson of Posters...a real one hit wonder |
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| Joey |
quote:
Fiji Joe wrote:
A hit post?...from that flash in the pan?...Are you kidding?...Joey has become the Debbie Gibson of Posters...a real one hit wonder
Fiji ....................try not to speak !
Just stand up straight Boy !!!! .... Arms at your side !!!!!
.............Good Boy !!!!!
Now ..... LOOK UP AT THE SKY !!!!!!
****** FIJI NOW STANDING AT ATTENTION AND CRANING HIS NECK SKYWARD TOWARD THE STARS **********
Cue Pigeons ................................
**** PLOP **** ........... **** PLOP ****
*** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP *** PLOP
***** FIJI NOW UP TO HIS KNEES IN PIGEON SHIT AND HAS FORLORN LOOK ON FACE *******
***** Young Joey now hunched over his computer and looking at his monitor screen whilst cupping his hand over his mouth and laughing so hard that his face is an illuminating & bright red and tears are streaming down his cheeks ******
I Thank You All For Your Time Today !
The Joey ! , Established 1999
.........................................
[ Edited by ol' Mystic Himself ]
[Edited by Joey] |
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| Fiji Joe |
Weak Joey...weak...Trust me, few understand humour that centers around deficating pigeons...it is, for the most part, a Nebraska thang...much like the practice of keeping a homosexual gimp in a custom made drawer under your bed |
|
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| Joey |
quote:
Fiji Joe wrote:
Weak Joey...weak...Trust me, few understand humour that centers around deficating pigeons...it is, for the most part, a Nebraska thang...much like the practice of keeping a homosexual gimp in a custom made drawer under your bed
Come On Fij ..........................
I have been tossing you softballs right down the plate all morning long and you mean to tell me that is the best you GOT ?!?!?! Hell , my " Shits " put up a better fight than THIS !!!!!!!!!
Please ..............SOMEBODY !!!! ...cut him so he can see... " CUT HIM MICKEY !!!!!! " ...... " Ya Gotta ' Cut Him !!! '
JACKY !!!!!!
Jacky ! ...... Jacky ! ...... Jacky !
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| Joey |
Don't worry Ladies & Gentlemen ................
As soon as Fiji finds his head he WILL be back ! |
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| Fiji Joe |
It's a good thing Voodoopug is not here to see this...the shameless cutting and pasting...and now from the same thread...from the same person who beats him about the head...No worry Pug...there's room on the Fiji bandwagon
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| Joey |
quote:
Fiji Joe wrote:
It's a good thing Voodoopug is not here to see this...the shameless cutting and pasting...and now from the same thread...
You have been hanging around " THE MAXLUGAR " waaaaaay too much .........you now exhibit all the weaknesses of a Big / Tall Man ( see : Lyndon Baines Johnson , circa 1965- 1969 )
" Sometimes the rules change right in the middle of the game Ronnie ! "
I pray for you ....................
I .....................................
********* END TRANSMISSION ************* |
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| Fiji Joe |
You see my friends?...He swings blindly...like Liston vs. Clay...the heart remains...but the skill has left him...he is confused...he has taken to cutting and pasting material from the very one who now assails him...a standing 8 is necessary...he is out on his feet...all that keeps him up are the ropes
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| Fiji Joe |
JOEY'S STORY
I have read a lot on Joey and watch many videos secured in the States – and I believe its all supposition in learning the truth. Depends where you do your research – I have purposely made a couple of cut & paste – one story by our own Bizarro JB and the second one from a Rolling Stones Memorabilia page in the States – saves me from writing what both sources have written – the facts and research are made from records already known.
It has been claimed Joey was a brute of a man, a bully and thug and again other sources say he was a quiet man and identified extra well with the elderly and children. He was the 24th child of 25/26 children sired by his violent father in his marriages to two woman. He suffered by cruel beating from his brutal father when growing up – he ran away from home at the age of 13 to St Louis to join a married sister living there - if my memory serves me right (save getting my books out to make certain) and he was out in the Streets and at an early age was into crime in order to survive.
Like a lot of Champions he was street wise at an early age. He hit prison at the early age of 18 after handed out a sentence of five years for armed robbery. Being gay back in those days was a time of being harassed by the police. No doubt Joey would have been beaten by the police officers who took him for questioning – he would be outnumbered to defend himself. I remember reading this was the case on many occasions – nothing more then being gay - the same as George Michael.
While in prison he was saved from self destruction by a person of the cloth – Father Alois Stevens who got him involved in prison posting. He became a prison champ – on his release Joey joined a gym and eventually become the USA amateur champ. He was a deadly poster with both hands – the brutal posting power of Joey soon made him a feared man. He progressed to winning the Golden Posts in 1993. After this he turned professional and kept on winning by postouts.
The first time he was beaten was when he fought a Stone Jr. and it started off a one sided fight and the story goes Joey started show boating and making fun of the outgunned Stone Jr. – he opened his mouth laughing and Stone Jr. moved in and broke his opened jaw. The fight continued for a few more rounds and at the final bell Stone Jr. got the pat from the referee. Never again did Joey indulge in show boating and to make fun of an opponent. The rest has been written how Joey beat SDH twice in four minutes.
When he returned home to Nebraska expecting acceptance from the city people and a large crowd to acknowledge his victory – it all turned sour when virtually no one arrived to cheer the new Champ. He became very bitter over this issue.
My opinion is he laid down in the Max Lugar fight – he never attempted to get up and had his eye on the referee all the time. Joey was very tough and that strength was displayed the night he was beaten by Stone Jr. as he fought out with the broken jaw.
It has been said the mob controlled Joey and large money was collected when Max Lugar dethroned the most feared heavyweight ever – he was held by the short and curlies by either the Mob, FBI or the Black Power brothers.
W- W- W- W- What ?!?! ......I out-joeyed The Joey?...even Joey says so?...
Developing..........
|
|
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| Joey |
quote:
Fiji Joe wrote:
You see my friends?...He swings blindly...like Liston vs. Clay...the heart remains...but the skill has left him...he is confused...he has taken to cutting and pasting material from the very one who now assails him...a standing 8 is necessary...he is out on his feet...all that keeps him up are the ropes
Come Here Fiji ..................................
**** FIJI HESITANTLY DRAWS NEAR THE JOEY *****
On your KNEES boy !!!!!
***** FIJI DROPS TO HIS KNEES IN FRONT OF THE JOEY *****
Good Boy Fiji ……………Now Open your mouth !
I said , " OPEN IT BOY !!!!!!! "
**** FIJI NOW ON HIS KNEES AND BEGINS TO OPEN HIS MOUTH , ALBEIT HESITANTLY ****
Wider !!!!!
I said , " WIDER BOY !!!! "
Good little Fiji ………………………Now arch your head back ……….
I said , " Arch it Back Damnit !!!! "
Good Boy !!!!
Now ………………………………………………………..
Drink of My Lava Hot Ball Custard !
Slurp Down My Baby Batter !
Drink of my Testicle Tonic !
Lap Up My Nut Nectar !
Does my Gonad Butter taste bitter Fiji ?!?!
Whoops……………………Don't talk with your mouth full boy !
Allow me to coat your chin with my warm Spermy Belly
Spread !
Fji , you are a good boy and I absolutely HATE to sell you to Josh for a nickle , but what the Hell ,
I simply MUST !
Open Wide Again ..................... WIDE !!!!!
The Scrotum Twins have been absolutely dying to Puke on You !
I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOU TIME THIS MORNING !
The Joey , Established 1999!
.....................................................
[ Edited by Timothy Robbins ]
[Edited by Joey] |
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| Fiji Joe |
JOEY'S SONG
In a little while from now,
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promised myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower,
And climbing to the top,
Will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it's like when your shattered
Left standing in the lurch, at a church
Where people 're saying,
"My God that's tough, they stood him up!
No point in us remaining.
May as well go home."
As I did on my own,
Alone again, naturally
To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay,
Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do,
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt,
All about God and His mercy
For if He really does exist
Why did He desert me
In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed,
Alone again, naturally
It seems to me that
There are more hearts
Broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?
(instrumental break)
Now looking back over the years,
And what ever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to have cried the tears
And at sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn't understand, why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart
So badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally
W-W-W-W-What?...A new cut and paste king on the board?...now Joey's 14,000+ cut and paste posts are rendered meaningless?
Developing................
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| Joey |
Inchoate Longings ..............
You all remember Inchoate Longings .......those incipient yearnings of yore when an individual could write with the purest of magic and fire the reader with crisp , compact musings whilst offering definitive evidence that burning out and rusting are by no means the only alternatives left to superannuated Stones' Message Board Posters .
Well , www.Maxlugar.com is as far away from what message board posting must surely be as it is possible to get . Indeed , over at www.MaxLugar.com , I could sense shadows and taunting remnants of times when Max was striking , angry and exploring . But this new showcase of Maxy's is a deeply depressing and an unashamed rite of irrelevant , empty nostalgia and its unsatisfying , predictable triumph relying on past feats , the regressive belief of his flock and , most pathetically , props , gimmicks and his standard poses .
If readers were once inspired by what those old posts of Maxy's once meant , it really does NOT mean anything now . The new website of the MaxLugar's is unnecessary nostalgia : Unforgivably clinging to the past ; a damning diversion of spirit -- anything but fine posting -- such a static , stagnant waste of energy leaves one frustrated close to tears , and when the darkness falls and the effects hit home , cynical close to hateful . Pity is probably the only true reaction to www.MaxLugar.com . Maxy does not need to flop back -- He's already done EVERYTHING that he needs to -- indeed , the challenges went a long time ago .... all that's left are revival posts .
The www.MaxLugar.com is an appalling exhibition of complacency . So Sad . So Unnecessary .
I Thank You All for Your Time Today !
The Joey , Established 1999 and providing quality postings like this and many like it since day one .
The Joey ..........Quality ....Visionary .....Joey !
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| Nellcote |
Joey;
Can you get to the 8th floor of that building in LA, as there are two window washers stuck on the side of the building as the scaffold broke, and get them down? PMSNCB has it live.
Please hurry! |
|
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| Joey |
FIJI'S SONG :
He's a real nowhere man,
Sitting in his nowhere land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere man, the world is at your command.
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere man can you see me at all?
Nowhere man, don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all 'till somebody else
Lends you a hand.
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere man, the world is at your command.
He's a real nowhere man,
Sitting in his nowhere land,
Making all his nowhere plans
For nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans
For nobody.
Purscee ! ™
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| Fiji Joe |
JOEY'S GIRL
 |
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| Bizarro JB |
Shazam!...that broad is ugly...Joey must have a tiny prick
[Edited by Bizarro JB] |
|
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| Joey |
quote:
Fiji Joe wrote:
JOEY'S GIRL
You make Joey sniggle |
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| Fiji Joe |
JOEY'S RIDE
 |
|
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| Joey |
" Time For Fiji to Break it Down and Rebuild . He must ask himself THIS : ' Why is it that I wish to continue posting on Rolling Stones' Message Boards ? ' " ( Scott Chandler , Editor - in - Chief , Poster's Weekly )
" Perhaps it is time Fiji got ' Out of the Posting Game ' for awhile ...... " ( Carrie Dixon , Senior Editor , Entertainment Weekly )
" March 3rd , 2005 -- A day that will ' Live in Infamy ' !!! Indeed , our poor Fiji is listing badly as he has taken a direct hit by The Joey and continues to take on water . " ( Jessica Fields , Editor , Poster's Monthly )
Shecky ! ™
...................................................
[ Edited by Pete Townshend / Timothy Robbins ]
[Edited by Joey] |
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| Fiji Joe |
Dare I say???...
 |
|
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| Joey |
****** DREAM CHILDREN DREAM ********
( A Review by the Joey )
Hello My Stones Brothers and Sisters ..............
Just because a " Rock & Roll " Ghost isn't a demon like Mick Jagger or Iggy Pop doesn't mean that the Ghost is interesting .....www.MaxLugar.com is proof of THAT !
The MaxLugar's new Website must be properly seen as , in fact IS , a ghost living out a fantasy . With past musings here at this most prodigious of message boards known as " Rocks Off " , Max's fantasy invited links and parallels with much wider and vital issues : The Determination and Resilience he offered were publicly and personally worthwhile virtues . Now , however , the fantasy has worn completely thin and giddy from being spun far , far too many times .
Indeed , www.MaxLugar.com is an unreal world , a world Maxy helped to create and a world he now perpetuates needlessly . Its bounds and pressing concerns are superficial and repugnant . When one man and his fantasy can do no better than to produce a string of irrelevant personal postcards steeped in hungover Hippy Talk , it is time for him to quit posting altogether .
The MaxLugar is a slave , not a creator . He is asking the washed /unwashed masses to accept him as part of a story that has no value and always ends in a Cul - De - Sac of defeatist Manic Depression or Self - Consolation . This Website of Max's is pure amateur spiritualism for acid casualties !!!! For Mick's sake Max , how much longer are we going to have to endure your irrelevant fantasies ?
I thank You All For Your time Today !
The Joey , Established 1999
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| Joey |
FIJIMAN !!!!!
He's a real Fijiman
Sitting in his Fijiman land,
Making all his Fijiman plans
for Fiji.
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Fijiman , please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Fijiman , the world is at your command.
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Fijiman can you see me at all?
Fijiman , don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all 'till somebody else
Lends you a hand.
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Fijiman , please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Fijiman , the world is at your command.
He's a real Fijiman ,
Sitting in his Fijiman land and,
Making all his Fijiman plans
For Fiji.
Making all his Fijiman plans
for Fiji.
Making all his Fijiman plans
For Fiji.
( thunderous applause + standing ovation + screaming young girls )
'I THANK YOU !!! '
'I THANK YOU !!! '
'I THANK YOU !!! '
Joey Carson !
.......................................................
[ Edited by Pete Townshend + Timothy Robbins + MaxLugar .........Shiver ..................]
[Edited by Joey] |
|
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| Fiji Joe |
Almost every body loves Joey. Joey brings smiles, chuckles, giggles and outright guffaws to people of all ages. In all cultures, across every continent, the joey is a beloved figure, especially to children. With his oversized floppy shoes, big hair, and painted on grins, it’s hard not to laugh when you see him. Joey is the embodiment of non-threatening fun. Joey isn't supposed to be sad.
My wife, who works for a fairly large Methodist church downtown, received a call about Joey. Joey, she was told, had performed as a member of Ringling Bros. circus for 9 years, had received international awards for his showmanship, and one year was voted best circus performer in the United States. Would they consider having Joey as a guest during a service?
My wife was intrigued and passed this information on to her boss, Gary. He requested more info, and the next day they found a poster and background info on Joey in the fax machine. The poster showed a vibrant, grinning 30-something guy in light makeup, a guy who, we were assured, had traveled all over the world performing before enthralled crowds. A guy who won awards, who was, in fact, the perfect embodiment of all that Joey should be. Were they interested?
Gary, as minister of the church, had worried that there were few children in his church these days. Families with younger children had drifted to the larger churches that had active children’s programs. Joey just might be the ticket to bring some of those folks back into the fold.
By the end of the day, an agreement had been reached. Joey would be paid travel and rooming expenses to come perform at the church in two weeks. The congregation would take up a donation afterwards as payment for Joey's performance, and an autograph session would follow the performance so the children could meet him.
My wife was busy the next two weeks generating publicity for the event. Joey was heavily advertised as a Christian circus performer who would charm, enthrall, and utterly captivate children young and old alike. She made copies of the poster and plastered them all over town. Gary referred to Joey during services and at each meeting he had with his various committees. Feedback was good and expectations were high for a great turnout.
The Friday afternoon before the performance I went to the bus station with my wife to pick up Joey. We parked outside the depot and waited for his bus. I brought the Joey poster so we would recognize him when he disembarked. The bus arrived and we got out of the jeep and walked forward, prepared to greet our visitor. I studied the poster as we waited. Would he shake my hand and squirt water in my face from his lapel? Maybe the old hand-buzzer trick, or a bit of sleight-of-hand magic, pulling quarters from my ears. He might do a cartwheel right there in the parking lot and wind up in a handstand, legs splayed crazily out as we all laughed and applauded.
A small figure disembarked and limped slowly away from the bus. I looked closely. This couldn’t be Joey. Joey was a smiling, healthy-looking guy in his thirties who could do cartwheels and handstands. Joey jumped around in his floppy clown shoes, walked on stilts and performed magic. This disheveled, tired figure shuffling toward us didn’t look capable of carrying the small bag in his hand further than 20 yards.
My wife cleared her throat. “Um, are you Joey?” She sounded hopeful, like maybe he wasn’t Joey at all, that Joey was still on the bus waiting to disembark.
The small man reached into the pocket of his faded pullover shirt, fished out a crumpled cigarette, lit it and inhaled deeply, and sighed out the smoke. “I’m Joey. Are you from the church?”
“Ah, yes we are.” My wife looked at the stained carry-bag in his hand, then up at his lined, gray face. “I guess you have some bags? Er, props and things. Clothes and stuff.”
He exhaled and coughed into his palm. “Yea, I have one bag, if you could help me with it.” He looked around tiredly. “What’s the name of this place?”
My wife and I looked at each other. She told him the name of the town as we walked to the bus to fetch his bags. His baggage was one battered valise that, when I lifted it, seemed entirely too light to carry the clothes, personal items and props that a clown would need. I put it in the back of our jeep as we prepared to leave.
“Would you like to go out and eat somewhere?” asked my wife. “We’d be glad to treat you.”
Joey dropped his cigarette, ground it out with the toe of his shoe and shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”
As we drove to a local buffet place, my wife chatted about the weather, the church, and how glad we all were to have Joey as a guest. He sat in the back seat, looked morosely out the window and answered in monosyllables. Clearly, Joey was not the most gregarious of people.
During supper, Joey talked very little other than to detail his many physical ailments. He suffered from asthma, diabetes and high blood pressure and as he talked, I looked at his weary, lined face and his badly dyed, thinning hair. He looked more ready for a walker than a pair of stilts, and I had a great deal of trouble picturing him juggling and riding a unicycle.
We dropped him off at the Holiday Inn where he was staying. As we drove home, my wife turned to me and said, “I have a bad feeling about this. Joey is at least 20 years older than that picture that was faxed to us.” She shook her head. “I don’t think he’s able to do a clown act of any kind.”
“He might surprise us, honey.” I didn’t believe that, but had to say something. “Let’s give him a chance.”
That Sunday morning church was more crowded than it had been in months. The pews were full of children, many of whom were sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for Joey. I looked around with a mounting sense of dismay. These people were expecting something spectacular. Dozens of children with freshly scrubbed, shining faces grinned and chattered away like kids at a circus. I looked down at the front row of pews where Joey sat alone, dressed in flowing black robes. Robes? For a clown act? What the heck did he have in mind?
Gary stepped to the front and began by saying that his sermon would be short in order to give Joey plenty of time for his act. As he droned on, the crowd stirred and coughed as they waited for him to finish. The children scratched and swung their feet and whispered softly as they waited for Joey. After about 10 minutes, Gary introduced Joey and sat down on a front pew.
Joey limped to the front of the church, nodded to someone, and dramatic music began. Then a recorded voice, strident and earnest, started.
“Presenting the star of Ringling Bros. circus, a man who…..” and here proceeded a list of Joey’s accomplishments. I watched Joey standing somberly in his black robes. Where was his clown face? He had no make-up on at all. Where were the juggling pins? Balls? Balloons? Where the heck were the props?
Suddenly, a voice began listing details of Joey’s early life. As it droned on, Joey reached down into the podium by his side, pulled out a handful of small shiny tubes, and began applying clown make-up. The voice detailed Joey’s rise and fall (presumably through alcohol and drug abuse) in the circus world, how he traveled the country carrying his message to church’s everywhere and the thousands of people who had been saved due to his message. All this time soft music played in the background as Joey carefully applied his make-up. After about 15 minutes the voice ended with a strident entreaty for everyone to live good a Christian life, and was silent. Joey stood quietly, a small dumpy figure in black robes and pan-cake make-up. He bowed and walked slowly out a side door. Joey's performance was done.
I looked at my wife, who was looking down at her hands folded in her lap. The audience seemed confused: was this it? Was this the first act, with a second one to follow? Gary stood up, a little disoriented himself, and said, “Ah, I’d like to thank Joey for performing for us, and for his wonderful Christian message of hope and love. We will, um, now pass the collection plates and take up a gift for Joey.
As a plate came to me, I saw there was very little in it: a few crumpled ones, some change, nothing else. We dropped a twenty in and passed it on. The audience was silent—even the children sat still and somber, as if at a funeral. After Gary dismissed the congregation with a blessing, everyone quietly filed out. No one went back for autographs or to chat with Joey. Ann and I stood, looked at each other and walked with our daughter to the back of the church. In the hallway where Joey was supposed to sign autographs, we found him sitting on a chair, his head down and puffing slightly with oily rivulets of sweaty grease-paint trickling down his face and neck. No one else was there. I looked around and stepped into the men’s room where I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, then stepped back out
“Ah, Joey, thank you for your performance.” I didn’t know what else to say so I stood there, looking down at the sick clown. “Thank you for your message. I’m sure you reached a lot of people today.” I shook his sweaty hand. My daughter Mary piped in her sweet, high-pitched child’s voice , “Thank you Joey.” He looked up with a grimace that was nearly a smile and nodded. She shook his hand, as did Ann, and we walked down the hall and out into the sunshine.
I was restless all that day. I tinkered around the house, fiddled on the computer, started and stopped reading several books, and tried to eat. Ann sat on the couch most of the day alternately reading listlessly from her bible and staring at the wall. I wondered how it would feel to be talented and admired and loved, and to have it all erode away through poor health and dissipated living. How would it feel to be alone and ill, with no family or friends? To live your life on the road facing a disappointed crowd every week? The image of the sick, tired old Joey haunted me and I lay awake for a long time that night and listened to my wife breathing quietly in the dark.
[Edited by Fiji Joe] |
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CHAT
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