and orders a drink. After sitting for a few minutes, he hears a voice say, "nice tie." He looks around but doesn't see anybody near him. Some time passes and he hears the same voice say, "nice shirt." This time he looks everywhere; behind him, up and down the bar, under the chair, behind the bar, everywhere he can think to look, but he doesn't see anyone. A few minutes later he hears, "nice haircut." He can't stand it any more, so he calls the bartender over and tells him he has been hearing this voice. The bartender says, "Oh that...that's the nuts -- they're complimentary."
14th December 2007 06:04 PM
Joey
" ...and orders a drink. After sitting for a few minutes, he hears a voice say, "nice tie." He looks around but doesn't see anybody near him. Some time passes and he hears the same voice say, "nice shirt." This time he looks everywhere; behind him, up and down the bar, under the chair, behind the bar, everywhere he can think to look, but he doesn't see anyone. A few minutes later he hears, "nice haircut." He can't stand it any more, so he calls the bartender over and tells him he has been hearing this voice. The bartender says, "Oh that...that's the nuts -- they're complimentary."
14th December 2007 10:47 PM
pdog
14th December 2007 11:03 PM
Nellcote
Question & Answer Session:
I. Pregnancy
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's bo rderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A! : Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
14th December 2007 11:03 PM
fireontheplatter
ok, let me see if i can get this one straight
3 guys die christmas eve and off they float to heaven.
so, they're standing there at the pearly gates and st peter is there to greet them, and he says. before i let you into heaven i need 1 thing from each of you that represents christmas.
the first guy rustles around in his pockets and pulls out a flashlight.....st peter is like ....huh? its a candle, he says. oh, in you go.
the second guy pulls out a set of keys....st peter is like wtf!!! they're bells, he declares. he get into heaven.
the third guy pulls out a pair of panties...st peter is all confused, he is like what is this? and the guy says...they're carrols.
14th December 2007 11:09 PM
pdog
two guys are walking down the street, one turn to the other and yells, "you're a motherfucker".