| 1st January 2007 03:39 PM |
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| Ten Thousand Motels |
Guide to Commonly Abused Drugs, Pt. 1
By Brian K. White
Dec 29, 2006, 05:00
glossynews.com
With dealers and lawmakers in disagreement over whether illegal drug use is on the rise or on the run, many are finding it more difficult to know which is the right drug to use. The choice is very important, as your addiction will become your life. Therefore it is critical to decide in advance if you want to be a junkie, cokehead, tweaker, pothead, E-tard, or one of so many other delightfully labeled persons.
With the gateway drug theory completely disproven, you can't count on tobacco to draw you in, and peer pressure isn't much better. Glossy News has done the research for you. So look through our list and decide which one most appeals to you.
Opiates: Whether riding the smoky dragon, popping the painkilling pills or blowing your veins one by one with a dirty needle, drugs in the heroin family are fairly cheap, widely available, and fanatically advocated by junkies the world over. Bela Lugosi, Kurt Cobain and Jerry Garcia all found the drugs worth trading everything for, even their lives. Like all drugs, count on losing your job, health and family; but, specific to this mistress, throw in loss of teeth and near certain occurrences of hepatitis and HIV. Don't support the Afghanistan war? Buy heroin! The .5 world war can't be wrong.
LSD: Hallucinogens often offer a body high, but the real payoff are the wacky visions already locked away in your head. Non-trippers think your dog becomes a Seuss film, but it's much more than that. The hallucinogen encompasses all you see, touch, taste, hear and smell but it isn't so skin deep. All your reason and interpretation hallucinates too, right down to your very soul. Atheists may see God; the devout may feel His absence; and child-abused wallflowers may grow wings up flame that swell and sway as if controlled by depth of breath. In dank states like Washington, acid can be hard to come by as most trippers just gobble the poo-grown magic mushrooms growing freely in their own backyard or nearby park. So why is acid so great? Unlike water or fat-borne drugs, acid hangs out in your spinal and/or sinovial fluids, where it builds up over time. The more you trip, the less often you have to take it to see crazy stuff. A solid year of use will have you seeing sparkler-like tracers all the time. And even your disposition will become permanently altered. It's not like an overdose as much as just maxing out. Go broke all you want, you may pop your neck one day and sail again.
Ecstasy: When the funky white boy plays his long requested music, do you feel awkwardly arhythmic and out of place? You may need Ecstasy, E, X, MDA, MDMA, or any of the other thousand names this delightful hug-drug is known by. If your pupils aren't giant, palms not sweaty, jaw not completely clenched, or erection functioning normally, you may wish to consider the E-bomb. Not only will it cure the lot of those but much more too. E can help you dance like a spastic Gumby, sweat like a Sixer of Miller at a barbecue and feel truly connected with your brother man. The drug council calls Ecstasy an hallucinogen, which it only is in that you see all the good in the world around you. Unfortunately, those addictaflicted by E-tardism will be discouraged as the drug's effects can only be felt about once every week or two. What you've heard of multi-day binges are outright lies or mistakenly attributed to Ecstasy. It just won't work like that.
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| 1st January 2007 04:43 PM |
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| mojoman |
did keith get any credit? |
| 2nd January 2007 08:06 PM |
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| Brainbell Jangler |
Oh, that helped a lot. I thought the cite was going to actually guide me TO the drugs! |
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